Oh, Fantasy Free Me!

Secret Admirer

2009-02-14T17:11:00Z

Story Title: Secret Admirer
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: PG
Summary: Every year she got a valentine and she's always wondered who sent them. Will it turn out to be the one she least expected? BPOV, AH/AU fluff.
Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, Little Brown, and Summit. I own nothing.
Author's Notes: Hi, all. Here I am with just a little Valentine's Day fluff...even though I'm not a fan of the holiday. Oh, well, I am a fan of love so I figure that works. This could probably be rated K/G, but I'm going with PG just in case there's something I missed that would upset people. I really don't think there is anything, but I prefer to err on the side of caution.

Anyway, huge shout out to my beta Bethaboo. Everyone, go read her V-Day story, The Transcontinental Love Letter. You won't be sorry you did.

(And, for the interested, the necklace.)

Now on with the show...

The first valentine appeared when I was six years old and in kindergarten.

Every day after lunch was a thirty-minute naptime, where we would all lay on our little pallets and try to sleep. I think the time was more for the teachers to catch their breath and relax a little after trying to teach a bunch of five- and six-year olds. Though some of the kids would kick up a fuss over it, claiming to be too old for naps or not at all tired, I always enjoyed the peace and quiet of those thirty minutes. I’d always been a quiet child, which made me different than most of my classmates, and being around fifteen or so children who weren’t was exhausting.

After naptime, I returned to my assigned seat at my table. The valentine was placed in front of my little plastic chair.

Someone had obviously spent a lot of time making it. It was shaped like a big red heart, with a smaller pink one and an even smaller white, lacy doily one pasted against it. In the center of these three hearts were four words written in glittery glue. Bella, Be My Valintine.

The heart opened to reveal a handwritten statement.

You are the most pretty girl in class.

The words were written neatly and with care. It was left unsigned. I remember looking around, trying to see if anyone knew anything about the valentine and its sender. There was no sign that anyone had. All the other students were taking their seats and babbling with excess energy after their enforced calmness.

When I got home, I put the Valentine in the box where I kept all my treasures.

The great unanswered mystery of my kindergarten year was that of my Secret Admirer.

By the time Valentine’s Day rolled around in first grade, I was sure I no longer had my Secret Admirer. It had been an entire year and I still didn’t entirely understand why he would be admiring me. I was the quietest, clumsiest girl in class. Not a day went by that I didn’t hurt myself or someone else. No, I was certain he was no longer interested. But I still hoped.

The entire class exchanged valentines and there were no special handmade cards in the little Valentine’s mailboxes we’d made in art class. I still felt a bit sad, even though I had expected just this to happen.

When I came back from recess later that day, there was another handmade Valentine sitting in the center of my desk. Another heart in the customary Valentine’s colors, only this one a bit more ornate than the one from the year before. It was trimmed in the lacy part from the heart doilies and there were glitter hearts over it. On the front was my name and on the inside…

Your still the prettyest.

Another search around the room, looking at the other students still yielded no results. I still had no idea who my Secret Admirer was. I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t sign his name to the beautiful cards. Maybe he was afraid of girl cooties? There was, of course, no such thing as girl cooties but boys were weird.

That Valentine, too, went into my Treasure Chest.

Second grade followed the pattern of the year before. Nothing during the class valentine exchange, but after recess, my Secret Admirer’s card held center stage on my desk. It wasn’t shaped as a heart and instead like a regular rectangular card, but there were hearts impeccably drawn all over the front. A collection of hearts made up my name.

In the English portion of our schooling, we’d been writing poems. That was what was on the inside of this third Valentine.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But there isn’t a flower,
As pretty as you.

I didn’t bother looking around for the sender; I knew I wouldn’t be able to find any clues. Instead, I couldn’t wait to get home and put it with the other Valentines, which I pulled out and re-read often.

My best friend Edward came home with me after school and watched as I put the Valentine among the others. He was the only one I let see my treasures or know where I kept them. I remember how his lower lip jutted out into a pout when he saw the small collection of Valentines and even then I thought the expression was cute. He was jealous that someone was sending me things and I put them in the Chest, though to be fair, many things in the chest were things he’d given me. A shell from a trip he’d taken to the beach with his family that I was supposed to go on with them but ended up getting sick and a get well card from the same time, a drawing he’d done of the two of us together, a pretty, sparkly rock from the playground he’d given me the day we’d met…

I thought it was funny he was jealous of someone who wasn’t even brave enough to sign his name to a card.

In third grade, the mysterious card held another poem

B is for the beauty of your smile.
E is for your eyes of chocolate brown.
L is for your laugh I love to hear.
L is for your loveliness, more than any other.
A is for adoration I will always have for you.

Edward again watched that afternoon as I placed it with the rest. If anything, he acted worse than the year before, wondering why I even bothered with saving them. I told him it was because my Secret Admirer liked me and thought I was pretty. My Secret Admirer liked me and the valentines were proof.

The last said on the topic was Edward’s grumbled, “Well I like you, too. I liked you first.”

Every year, either on Valentine’s Day or the day of school just before the holiday, my Secret Admirer’s valentine would make an appearance, sometimes with a small present of candy or little trinkets. They were all always made with painstaking care and with each year they became more personal; sometimes everything was drawn in painstaking detail—drawings of me or my favorite things or various Valentine-related paraphernalia—and sometimes there were beautiful works of art crafted from construction paper and glue. Though I never knew who sent them, he held a special place in my heart. I wished I knew more about him; I wished I knew who he was.

He’d been giving me a card every year for the past twelve years, surely that must mean that he cared for me, even if he lacked the confidence to tell me who he was. It was currently our senior year of high school and, presumably, this year would be the final valentine. School ended in just a few months and we’d all be going off to college in different states. I couldn’t believe that he would have chosen to go to the same school as me.

After the Fourth Grade when Edward had a childish reaction to the valentines—and my reaction to them—I’d stopped sharing their existence with him, though I think he knew I still got them. He was my best friend and an especially observant person. He couldn’t help but notice how anxious I was on Valentine’s Day until I got my card. Bless his heart, though, he never mentioned it. Whether he did it because he was in denial or because he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable, I didn’t know, but neither did I care. I didn’t need to listen to him have another hissy fit about me liking my Secret Admirer more than him. As much as I appreciated my admirer, I could never like him more than Edward. Edward was my best friend and had been from the first moment we’d met on that very first day of kindergarten.

I’d never been to any type of preschool, so it was my very first time in anything even remotely resembling school. I was excited, but terrified at the same time. I hadn’t known what to expect and I hadn’t known any of the other children. None of the neighbors had kids my age and Renee was a stay at home mother, so I’d never been to daycare. The lone park we’d gone to was secluded and largely unknown.

After Renee had dropped me off and I’d put my jacket and little backpack in the cubbyhole with my name on it, I’d gone to sit at one of the round tables. There had been other kids there, but they’d all seemed to know each other and I had been too shy to introduce myself. I remember keeping my teary gaze on my pink-and-white sneakers, studying the Pink Power Ranger more in those few minutes than I ever had before or since, when I saw a scuffed up pair of red-and-white Power Ranger sneakers enter my peripheral vision as someone sat in the plastic chair next to me.

The sneakers had a voice and it spoke to me. “Are you okay?”

I’d taken a deep breath and looked up at the owner of the Red Ranger sneaks and locked eyes with a small boy with reddish-brown hair that stuck up every which way and very green eyes. He’d looked nice, but even so I’d had trouble finding my voice. I’d nodded my head in response to his question.

I still don’t know whether he’d believed me or not—in the twelve years we’ve known each other, he’s never given me an answer—but he hadn’t pressed the issue. Instead, he’d beamed brightly at me and introduced himself. “I’m Edward. What’s your name?”

“Bella,” I’d answered softly, my voice just barely above a whisper.

“I’ve never seen you before,” he’d continued, not at all fazed by my barely-there response. “Do you know anyone else?”

I hadn’t had to look around to know the answer to that, so I shook my head.

One of my most cherished memories is of that day we met and his next words to me. “That’s okay. You stick with me and I’ll take care of you. We can be best friends.”

I’d liked the sound of that and tentatively smiled at him. “Okay. I’d like that,” I’d said, my voice much stronger than when I’d introduce myself.

We’d been best friends ever since that day and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. Not that I wanted to; I think that was one of my biggest, most terrifying nightmares. It was no secret to me that he was the most important person in my life, that he possessed a large portion of my heart. If not the whole of it.

So Edward had no reason whatsoever to be jealous of my Secret Admirer. Not that I could tell him the reason why. I just couldn’t risk baring all to him and him not feeling the same way. It could change our entire friendship, and certainly not for the better. I’d rather have him in my life just as a friend than not have him at all.

How long I’d been in love with him, I didn’t even know. Maybe it had happened the first day we met or maybe it came later. Or maybe I fell for him so gradually that it was impossible to pinpoint when it happened, exactly, but it wasn’t really important just when I fell in love, just that I had.

The soft purr of an engine came from outside, a familiar sound I was used to hearing every day for the past couple years. Quickly, I slipped on my jacket and picked up my backpack before leaving the house and crossing the driveway to slide into the passenger side of the silver Volvo S60R. It was his baby; he cared more for that piece of machinery than just about anything in his life.

“Happy Valentine’s day, Bella,” Edward greeted with his customary crooked smile. He held his hand out, “For you.”

I looked down and in his hand was a round box, wrapped in glittering red paper with a shiny white bow affixed to the top. “Oh, Edward…why did you do this? I didn’t get you anything.” I looked back up to his smiling face.

“I did it because I wanted to and I didn’t expect you to get me anything,” he replied easily with a shrug of his shoulders. He lightly shook the box. “Come on, aren’t you going to open it? You know you want to.”

Sighing, I reached out and took the box out of his hand. Unless I accepted his gift, he’d be insufferable. Removing the shiny wrapping paper, I looked at the box in my hand, a smile curving my lips. Chocolate. And not just any chocolate, but Choxie Champagne and Strawberry truffles. “My favorite.”

“Oh, like I’m going to get you something you hate,” Edward jokingly scoffed as he pulled away from the curb, taking us closer to school.

“I know,” I replied. Leaning over the center console, I gave him a peck on his cheek. “Thank you very much…but you do know Valentine’s Day really isn’t until tomorrow, don’t you?”

He chuckled softly and nodded his head. “I know, but I wanted to beat out your Secret Admirer and give you the first valentine.”

I looked at him in surprise. It was the first reference he’d made to my Secret Admirer in years. “Edward…” I breathed. I knew him well enough to recognize the undercurrent of jealousy in his voice. “You’re my best friend; you have nothing to worry about. You always come first with me and you know it.”

“Yeah, but I see how happy those valentines make you and, I don’t know…I don’t want to lose you.” He made the admission almost as though it was an embarrassing secret. He hated to make himself vulnerable, even in front of me, and I wanted to roll my eyes. Boys—even adorable ones I was in love with—could be so stupid sometimes.

“Like you ever could,” I replied with a shake of my head. Reaching out, I pulled his right hand off the gear shift and intertwined my fingers with his. “Face it, Edward; you sealed your fate back in kindergarten. There’s no getting rid of me now.”

He chuckled a little and squeezed my hand before taking his away to turn into the school’s parking lot. “I like the sound of that.”

So did I.

He parked the car in his normal spot at the far end of the lot then turned to me again, a smile back on his beautiful face. “Come on, let’s get to class.”

The day went off as any other day, with no appearance of any valentines other than Edward’s. On the one hand, I was glad of that. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep from letting Edward know that I’d gotten one; he knew me better than anyone else. I could hide little from him. Yet, on the other hand, I was a bit sad I hadn’t yet received a token of my Secret Admirer’s affection. What if he’d lost interest? What if he’d found someone else?

At lunch, I gave myself a mental talking to. The day was only half done and so what if my Secret Admirer had lost interest? It wasn’t as if I was expecting mystery valentines every year for the rest of my life. We had no future together; I didn’t even know who he was! I had no business being sad.

And there was a part of my mind telling me that I would find it in Biology, the lone class I had with Edward. I don’t know why I so steadfastly believed that it would happen there. Maybe because they upset my best friend so much and made him feel unjustly insecure in our friendship. Or maybe just because, even when he wasn’t in the exact vicinity when I got one, he was always nearby and would show up shortly.

And, sure enough, when we stepped into Mr. Banner’s Biology classroom, my valentine was there on the lab table in front of my usual seat, along with a small wrapped present.

“Looks like You-Know-Who has been here,” Edward remarked crankily.

“Edward,” I gently admonished, “remember what I told you this morning. You come first. Always.”

“Well, go on. Open it,” he sighed, rolling his eyes as he did. He could be such a baby sometimes!

We were the first to reach the room, so we had some privacy for a few minutes; most of the other students waited until the last second to get to class.

As I took my seat, I looked at my Secret Admirer’s valentine. As usual, the card was handmade. On the front of the white cardstock was a beautiful freesia, painted so realistically it was difficult to believe it was only a painting. Somehow, he knew that freesia was my favorite flower. This wasn’t the first time he’d done something like this. He’s quoted my favorite books, movies, and music and replicated some of my favorite works of art on the front of my valentines. How he learned his information was always a mystery to me, like so much about him.

I opened the card up to read the neat handwriting, wondering if he’d given me another quote. It wasn’t.

My dearest Bella,

I would be honored if you would join me for dinner tomorrow at 6 pm at Sully’s Drive-In. Please accept this gift as a token of my affection. Wear it today if you wish to meet me tomorrow.

Always yours,

Your Secret Admirer

“Well, what is it?”

I turned my head and met Edward’s emerald green eyes, only inches from my own. He’d obviously been reading over my shoulder. Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention toward the pink and red wrapped present. It was a small-ish and square. And it wasn’t that heavy, either, I realized when I picked it up. I quickly tore off the paper to reveal a black, velour jewelry box. My heart instantly leapt up into my throat. I hoped he hadn’t spent too much money on me. I hated when people bought me gifts. I would’ve been delighted just with a card, an added present, as always, was unnecessary.

I slowly lifted the lid, gasping at the beautiful necklace that was nestled within. From a delicate gold chain hung a beautiful ruby-colored glass heart with golden flecks throughout; it was absolutely gorgeous.

“You’re not actually going to go out with him, are you?” Edward questioned, eying me with a ‘get real’ expression.

I didn’t answer for a few moments, studying the glass heart. Sully’s Drive-In was my favorite restaurant in town; it wasn’t anything fancy, but the food was good and there was always someone else there, so I’d certainly be safe enough. “I think I have to,” I finally replied as the rest of our class began to filter in.

“No, you do not have to.”

“Edward, I do. I think I have to meet him. If I don’t, I’ll always wonder who he was. I’ll never be able to thank him for the valentines. Don’t you understand?”

“I guess I do,” he replied grudgingly. “Though I wish you wouldn’t. He could be a complete psycho. Or worse. Who knows, maybe it’s Vile Mike Newton.”

I burst out laughing at his pouting. “Trust me, it’s not Mike. If it were, he would’ve given up after I told him off in freshman year.”

That got him laughing again. “That was great. I never thought you had it in you to make someone cry.”

“Come on, help me put this on,” I ordered as I lifted the necklace from its resting place. He took it from me and fastened it around my neck as I held my hair out of the way.

“I hope you’re right and have a good time,” he whispered as Mr. Banner entered the room and called the class to order. “But promise me that you’ll call me if there’s even a hint of any trouble.”

“I promise,” I replied happily. At least he wasn’t going to throw a temper tantrum.

The entire next day was spent nervously trying to decide what to wear. I thought about calling Alice, but wasn’t desperate enough for her to come over and play Barbie Bella. As much as I loved the little pixie, I would never be that desperate.

Edward had called me and asked again if I was really going to meet my Secret Admirer. I took the opportunity once again to reassure him that he was my best friend and would never be replaced. My promise of calling him if there was any trouble or I was just uncomfortable was voiced again before he let me get off the phone and get ready for dinner.

Eventually I’d decided on wearing a simple, blue wrap dress and my Secret Admirer’s necklace. I knew I looked nice enough; Edward always said that blue was my color. After letting Renee fuss over how “cute” I looked, I climbed into my big red Chevy and started the drive to Sully’s.

My fists clenched around the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turned white. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach, so strongly I felt that they surely must be mutant butterflies with the wingspan of a golden eagle. But I couldn’t turn back now. I had to know who my Secret Admirer was. I’d end up regretting it if I turned back now.

Pulling into a parking spot in front of Sully’s, I cut the roaring engine and took a deep breath. It was time.

I hopped out of the cab and entered diner, inhaling the numerous, mouthwatering scents of the diner’s specialties. Just stepping into the building could make you instantly ravenous. I looked around, searching for anyone around my age, but couldn’t see anyone. With a sigh, I walked over to an empty booth and slid in.

A warm pair of hands covered my eyes and a shudder trailed down my spine; the touch was familiar. “Guess who,” a masculine voice whispered into my ear.

“Edward?” I questioned, my heart beating double-time. “You’re my Secret Admirer?”

He removed his hands from over my eyes and slid into the booth across from me, a bright smile quirking his lips. I couldn’t believe it; how could he be my Secret Admirer? He’d always been a big baby whenever I’d get a card or gift.

I lifted my hand and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, an affectation I’d gotten from him. Looking back on it, I supposed it made sense. It would explain how he knew all my favorite things and was able to slip his cards to me every single year. Though I hadn’t seen him draw or paint for years, when we were younger, he’d always been brilliant at it. Even the handwriting had been familiar to me, though I knew Edward had to have taken great pains to disguise it enough that I wouldn’t immediately know it as his. How had I missed all the clues?

“Bella? Are you alright?” he asked, leaning across the table and looking at me in concern.

I realized I hadn’t spoken in a while and I nodded my head. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just surprised. I mean…you?”

“Yes, me,” he replied, frowning. “Are you disappointed?”

Shaking my head, I laughed. “Not at all. I’m just…I never expected it was you.”

“That was the point. I would hardly be a Secret Admirer if you knew it was me, now would I?”

“I suppose not,” I chuckled softly. “But…what is all this?”

It was his turn to remain silent for a few moments. I could see that he was trying to gather his thoughts and I kept quiet, allowing him to do so. Collecting himself, he reached across the table and took my hand in his; his crystal clear eyes locked with my own. I felt my heart stutter as he began to speak.

“Bella, I’ve been in love with you since the day I first met you. I’d never met anyone so kind and generous and the more I got to know you, the deeper I fell. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but you were my best friend and I didn’t want to ruin anything between us, so I became your Secret Admirer.”

His reasoning was the same as mine; I could understand exactly where he came from. “Why did you choose now to tell me this?”

“I wasn’t sure how you’d take it before, but I finally decided that I couldn’t go another day without you knowing how I feel about you. Without you knowing just how ardently I admire and love you.”

Tears came to my eyes as he quoted one of my favorite lines from Pride and Prejudice. Colin Firth had absolutely nothing on Edward. The words sounded infinitely sweeter in Edward’s velvety voice than they ever could in anyone else’s.

His eyes darkened in concern once again as he saw my tears. I quickly raised myself up and leaned across the table, pressing my lips to his. They were soft, yet firm at the same time. I’d imagined kissing him a million times, yet none of my fantasies had ever come close to this reality. It was magic.

His hands came up to cup the back of my head as he hesitantly deepened the kiss, tracing my lips with his tongue until I parted them and he slipped inside. I moaned softly in my throat; he tasted like heaven.

Slowly, the kiss came to an end and we parted. “I take it you have no objections.”

“None at all,” I laughed. “I’ve loved you for years; probably just as long as you. I never want to live without you in my life.”

“Good thing you’ll never have to,” he replied.

He met my lips once again, the promise of forever in his kiss.

It was a promise I’d make sure he kept.

Playing Solitaire

2008-09-02T00:56:45Z

Story Title: Playing Solitaire
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Edward's embarrassed, the Cullens tease, and Bella's naïve. Somewhat OOC.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Twilight and all its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown. I am making no money off this story nor do I mean any harm. Please do not sue...I won't get anything.
Author's Notes: This story takes place in the summer between Twilight and New Moon. It is comedic, OOC goodness that I hope amuses you as much as it has me and Bethaboo.

And speaking of Boo…you are the greatest. Thank you, again, for encouraging me to write and giving me another review I never expected. I’m not worthy.

I turned off into the Cullen’s long driveway, an excited smile plastered on my face. It felt good to be back in Forks, just feet away from Edward. I’d only been gone for a week, but it had felt like an entire lifetime.

A few weeks ago, Renee had called me, begging me to come for a visit this summer. I couldn’t blame her for wanting me to visit, I’d been living in Forks for six months now and the last time she’d seen me, I’d been laid up in a hospital in Phoenix after “falling from a window.” She wanted to be assured that I was alright as well as wanting to spend some time with me before the school year started all over again.

I’d wanted Edward to come along, but it wasn’t really feasible. Neither Renee nor Charlie would allow me traveling alone with my boyfriend, even though there weren’t many shenanigans we could get into between chaperones and huge crowds of people. It would also be selfish of me to make him spend all day, every day inside during Florida’s sunny, muggy days. As much as I loved him and wanted him with me, it would be easier for him if he stayed here with his family. That didn’t stop us from calling each other every morning and night (and a few times in between, if I was being completely honest).

But now I was back and, after spending the morning with Charlie, who had postponed going fishing in order to pick me up and spend time with me, I was making my way to see the center of my universe. As I pulled to a stop in front of the white house in the meadow, I felt as though I was finally home.

I was surprised that Edward wasn’t waiting on the porch to greet me—I’m sure they could hear my truck’s engine from miles away—as he always was whenever I came over. I’d wanted to surprise him—though he knew I’d be returning today—though I never expected that I’d be able to do it. It was hard to surprise someone when they lived with a psychic who could predict the future. And when the one doing the surprising arrived in a truck that could be heard three towns over.

Maybe he was out hunting?

I got out of the truck and rushed to the front door, only tripping twice, able to catch myself from falling both times. I let myself in, as I’ve been told to do, and easily spotted the majority of the Cullen family. Only Carlisle, Esme, and Edward were missing.

“Welcome back, Bella!” Alice chirped brightly from the couch, her tiny body practically vibrating with energy. It looked like Jasper, relaxing beside her, was doing all he could to keep her calm. I don’t think it was working all that well. “How was Florida?”

“Hi, guys,” I greeted with a small wave as I moved closer to them. Emmett was sitting on the white loveseat that matched the couch, Rosalie by his side. She still didn’t like me, but has been able to tolerate my presence on all my previous visits. “It was…humid. I’m glad to be home.” And Forks had become home, though I’d never thought it would.

“Is Edward out hunting?” I questioned, taking a seat on the couch beside Alice, who immediately wrapped her thin arms around me in a welcoming hug. During one of our numerous phone calls, Edward had mentioned that she’d missed me.

“No. He’s upstairs, taking care of business,” Emmett replied with a smile saturated with amusement. My eyebrows furrowed; there was a hidden meaning in what he said, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Oh, alright.” I sounded as confused as I felt. “Do you think I should go up and tell him I’m here?”

They all burst out laughing, from Emmett’s booming guffaw to Alice’s delicate snickers. I think Rosalie may have even snorted.

“I’m sure that would be a real help,” Jasper said softly through his laughs, starting the wave all over anew. Again I felt there was a hidden meaning I couldn’t decipher.

I felt my cheeks warm in a blush, figuring he was being a bit sarcastic. If Edward was busy working on something, it would be best if I not get underfoot. I knew that logically, but it was difficult to stay seated. I’d missed him so much, but I’m sure he’d be down as soon as he could. I nodded my head in understanding and remained looking down at my shoes.

Even for vampires, these guys could sometimes be extremely strange.

“So…what have you guys been up to lately?” I asked, doing my best to ignore their mood.

“Us, not much. But Edward’s been up to quite a bit,” Rosalie answered, a knowing smirk on her lips. She didn’t look threatening, but she still scared the crap out of me.

“Oh, really?” My voice was soft as I looked around at them all. “Like what?”

“Playing solitaire,” Alice responded with a small smile.

“Doing his homework,” Jasper immediately added. I looked at him in confusion. It was summer, we didn’t have any homework.

“Distributing free literature,” Rose continued the list.

“Walking the dog,” Emmett said.

They got a dog? Didn’t that seem like tempting their appetites? I opened myself to question when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, immediately standing up and running into Edward’s open arms. “Edward! I’ve missed you!”

I relaxed into his arms. No, this was what coming home felt like. “It’s so good to see you, Bella. I’ve missed you, too,” he murmured softly into my ear. I lifted my head and pressed my lips to his cool ones. I’d dreamt about his kisses so many times while I was away. None of my dreams or memories lived up to the reality.

He tucked me into his side as he moved to sit in one of the white, overstuffed chairs, situating me on his lap. I noticed he was giving his siblings death glares; I had definitely missed something while I was gone. “So…you guys got a dog?” I questioned, grasping for something to say to break the tension. “What did you name him?”

The laughing broke out again, though it sounded like they were trying harder to suppress it. And it was confirmed. Rosalie’s a snort-laugher. I thought I heard either Emmett or Jasper say something that sounded like “Little Eddie,” but I couldn’t be certain. I looked up at Edward’s face; his expression was wavering between anger at his siblings and something that almost looked like embarrassment, depending on who he was looking at.

“Uh, no. We didn’t get a dog,” he finally answered. I wanted to question further, but I could clearly recognize his “This conversation is over” voice. He wouldn’t be saying anything more. Besides, I could tell that if I were to press, he’d probably get up and hurt his siblings. I didn’t want that.

I was back to feeling confused and uncertain. So why had Emmett brought up a dog? Oh! It must have been someone else’s dog. “Are you volunteering with the Humane Society?” I questioned. I noticed that they were all looking at me a little confused.

But none were as confused as Edward. “No, I haven’t. Why do you ask?”

My face had to be as red as a tomato right now. “Well, Emmett said that you were upstairs taking care of business. Then Jasper mentioned that over the past week you were doing homework and Rose brought up that you were passing out free literature. Then Emmett mentioned the dog and I just thought…” I trailed off as the laughter renewed and I buried my face in Edward’s shoulder. I wished I could go back and start this day all over again.

Edward said something very quickly, I couldn’t grasp what he said, though judging from his expression it was something chastising his family. I hated causing strife in his life. I decided to let the subject drop; I wasn’t going to get any answers and I wasn’t sure I wanted them anyway. I was probably better off not knowing.

“Why don’t we pop in a movie?” Alice suggested, her voice sounding as though she hadn’t been laughing her head off just moments ago. Edward and I both agreed quickly; it would help smooth things over. I didn’t even pay attention to what they’d decided on and instead concentrated on being in Edward’s arms once again.

“Hey, Bella,” Emmett said, his loud voice easily conveying itself across the room. I turned to look at him and felt Edward stiffen beneath me. “While you were gone, Edward was off making a deposit and made the bald man cry.”

I stared at him silently for a moment. That made no sense. My eyes flicked to Rose as she added, “He made him feel better by rubbing Buddha’s belly.”

“Okay,” I said slowly in reply. Could vampires lose their minds? ‘Cause I think there were two right here just begging for matching straightjackets. I turned my attention back to Edward and twined my fingers with his. He was still tense and I ran my thumb over the side of his hand, trying to soothe his temper.

“I think that Edward would make a great kids show host,” Alice piped up after a few minutes. “We could name it Mr. Happy’s Fun Time. He could teach the Cyclops the Lambada.”

There went the laughter again, and back came the confusion. “Edward is an excellent dancer,” I agreed with a sigh. I think I was getting used to not knowing just what in the world was going on.

“Hey, Bella,” Rosalie said after composing herself. “You should have Edward teach you the Tango Con Mano.”

There was proof she still hated me. “I’d probably end up killing myself if he were to try.” They laughed harder than ever at that and I felt a little offended. “I’m sorry I can’t be as graceful as you all. I can’t help being so clumsy.”

“It’s alright, Bella,” Edward soothed. “They aren’t laughing at you. They just think they’re being funny. But they’re not.” He said it with such sincerity I knew he had to be telling the truth. I nodded my head, indicating to him that I believed him.

“So what have you really been doing while I was away?” I tried to ask it quietly enough so that the others couldn’t hear. Curse that vampire hearing!

“He was wrestling with his emotions.”

“Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile.”

“Hosing down the driveway.”

“Discovering his own potential.”

“In the shower working up a foamy lather.”

“Manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation!”

The voices came out of each of his siblings, one after another, eventually degenerating into another bout of laughter. I could feel the beginnings of a growl vibrating in Edward’s chest. I placed my hands on his face, rubbing my thumbs over his cheekbones and making soothing noises. I could hear them all softly congratulating Jasper on the last one.

And I still had no idea just what they were talking about, only that it was upsetting Edward. I looked into his beautiful amber eyes and saw anger warring with embarrassment. Why was he embarrassed? I’d have to ask him later. It was obvious that something had happened while I was gone and they were teasing him mercilessly about it.

“Why don’t you guys just leave him alone!?” I burst out in frustration, my voice much louder than I’d ever used in this house. They all looked at me in surprise, stopping mid-laughter. “Haven’t you teased him enough? I swear, it’s more than any person can take and not completely lose their temper.”

“I’m sorry,” they all chorused, expressions contrite. They all turned back to the movie in silence.

Edward looked at me tenderly and pulled my lips to his. “Thank you,” he breathed in my ear.

“Anytime.” I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment. “Why are they picking on you, anyway?” I whispered in his ear.

He cleared his throat softly and shifted uncomfortably in the chair. I would swear he’d be blushing if he could. “They’re just being siblings,” he hedged, blatantly refusing to answer the question. Again I knew I’d have to settle for an answer.

The movie—of which I hadn’t seen a single second—ended and the credits rolled along the screen before anyone said anything else.

“Seriously though, Bella. He thought about you a lot while you were gone,” Alice said sweetly. “Of the home you two will someday share. I’m sure he was even painting a white picket fence.”

He tensed again.

“And he was building upper-body strength.” I would have expected that to come from Emmett, not Jasper. The large, brunette vampire looked to be more into body-building than either Jasper or Edward.

“I think the upper-body strength he has now is perfect,” I sniffed, realizing that they were back to teasing. Why was I even bothering trying to keep Edward calm? They weren’t going to be happy until he blew up. His siblings snickered.

“And doing the Han Solo,” Rose added.

“Is that like a Star Wars-themed dance?” I questioned. The laughter gained volume yet again. That’s it…they were all asking to be shipped off to the funny farm.

They calmed down and popped in another movie. We were all silent for another half-hour before Emmett’s voice sounded.

“Something did happen while you were away,” he said seriously, his eyes still on the television. “He was caught playing with his instrument.”

More muffled snickers.

I didn’t get it. “I’ve seen him doing that myself.”

“WHAT!?”

I flinched at the raised voices, all four of Edward’s siblings speaking in shocked unison. Even Edward was looking at me with surprise. I wondered if they all lost bits of their memory while I was gone.

“Yes…I’ve watched Edward while he’s played his piano many times,” I said patronizingly, well aware I sounded as though I was speaking to child. “He’s even written me a lullaby.”

Edward relaxed beneath me and the others tittered softly. They had obviously thought I was speaking about something else. But what?

“He’s been talking about picking up a new instrument,” Jasper mentioned a few minutes later. “He’s expressed interest in playing the single-string air guitar and also in riffing on the bendy Fender.”

I sighed loudly. And they were back to simultaneously picking on Edward and making no sense. And frustrating me to no end.

That was the straw that broke the camels back for Edward. He lifted me gently off his lap and stood up, placing me back in the chair. Alone. He glared at his siblings, venom in his eyes, hands clenched into tight fist. “That’s enough! You guys are done with this little game. I’m putting my foot down!”

“Again?” Rose snickered.

“Haven’t you already had enough of that over the past week?”

I looked up at Edward. The only expression in his eyes now was embarrassment. “Edward? What are they talking about?” My voice was pleading; I needed to understand what was going on. I was more confused than I’ve ever been in my life.

He looked at me, his expression torn. I could see he wanted to tell me what was going on, but was too embarrassed to do so.

“While you’ve been gone, he’s been smiting the pink knight,” Alice explained, though it didn’t explain anything to me. I looked at her blankly.

“Wow…you really aren’t understanding any of this, are you?” Rose asked in awe. “I thought you’d caught on a while ago.”

“Well I obviously didn’t. What’s going on?” I saw Edward fall to his knees beside my chair and drop his face into his hands and I felt bad for asking. This was obviously embarrassing him deeply. I felt like the worst girlfriend in the world.

“He’s been thinking of you,” Emmett supplied, not a single trace of embarrassment or remorse for forcing that emotion on his brother. “He’s been thinking of you and squeezing the happy lumberjack, shaking hands with Dr. Winky, combing the hair on his bald pig Sally, hoisting his own petard, helping put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college, patting the Robertson, unleashing the alabaster yak…” He trailed off at my blank look.

“Bella, listen to me,” Jasper said, looking into my eyes. “Are you understanding any of this? Lubricating the love monkey? Spanking the monkey? Spanking the rooster?”

“Spanking a rooster? And a monkey?” This was all going over my head. They were no longer finding this funny, it seemed, and they all groaned at my inability to grasp what they truly meant. “What does a chicken have to do with anything?”

“Work with us Bella,” Rose said to me in the kindest voice I’ve ever heard from her when I was anywhere near. “What is another word for rooster?”

I wracked my brain, coming up with nothing. “Chicken?”

“No…”

“Uh…capon?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

“For the love of—“ Alice burst out in frustration. “Cock, Bella! Spanking the Cock! Spanking the Big Red COCK!!”

We all looked at the tiny pixie in mute surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her loose her cool quite that bad. It didn’t look like any of the others had, either. Even Edward had raised his head in shock, the embarrassment momentarily forgotten.

Emmett cleared his throat. “Right…thank you, Alice. Bella, are you getting it now?”

I looked at him, forcing my brain to remember what we’d been talking about before Alice’s outburst. “Spanking animals?”

He heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head in a ‘where did we go wrong?’ manner. I obviously wasn’t catching on to what they wanted me to. I tried to remember everything they’d said. Shaking hands with Dr. Winky. Spanking the monkey. That did sound familiar, but I don’t know where from. Spanking the rooster. No, spanking the…

My eyes widened as I glanced at Edward before looking at his siblings, all of whom were kneeling in front of us as they tried to get through to me.

“By Jove, I think she’s got it,” Rosalie breathed, causing Edward to groan. I reached a hand out and rubbed it over his back.

Alice, who was by now back under control, nodded her head. “That’s right, Bella. We caught Edward masturbating.”

Edward’s groan was louder now. I vaguely heard “I wish I was dead.”

“Edward, it’s alright. It’s perfectly natural,” I stammered, trying my best to soothe him. “I find it quite flattering, actually.”

He raised his head and looked at me. “You do? You aren’t appalled?”

I shook my head. “Not at all.” I was a little turned on, actually. “As I said, it’s perfectly natural. I…I do it myself,” I admitted, my cheeks blazing hotter than I’d ever felt them.

“You do?” he questioned, his voice sounding choked.

His siblings were all staring at me in an uncomfortable manner and I looked down at my feet again. “Yes, I do.”

Edward grasped the back of my neck and met my lips with his own in the most passionate kiss we’ve ever shared. “Excuse me,” he whispered against my lips. I blinked then he was gone.

“Come on, Edward! Give Little Eddie a break!” Jasper yelled out. “You keep delivering the Ejaculation Proclamation as much as you have been and you’ll end up with Carnal Tunnel Syndrome!”

I looked at them in surprise. “You mean…he’s…right now?”

They all nodded their heads in response.

Emmett smirked. “He probably wouldn’t mind if you went up and helped him out a bit.” I looked at him in mortification. “Maybe you could sample the special sauce.”

I put my head in my hands with a groan.

Update from the void

2008-08-28T14:38:43Z

A little over two years since my last post. Wow. At least I'm not dead.

I'm sorry about the lapse in writing, but my Muse decided to take an extended vacation and only recently came back.

I'm not sure how my creative process will be in the future, but I will post when I have something. So why am I posting now? Oh, only because I completed a new one-shot (it more than likely sucks, but it's better than nothing, right?), which I hope to be posting at some point in the near future. It's currently off with my main encourager (is that even a word?), Beth, who has said she'd give it a look over.

And not only is there a new story to look forward to...there's another one! I'm currently halfway through another fiction, which I'll be sending off to her as well. I'm actually a little proud of myself for actually getting one done, let alone one and a half. lol.

So hopefully within the next couple weeks you will all be seeing a little something new around here (y'know, to do with the new layout and icons I did today).

Now I'll shut up and head off to finish the one I'm currently working on. It's best to do it before my mom gets home...she's the ultimate creative cockblock. I would be much farther along with the story had she only shut up for more than three minutes at a time last night. lol!

A Little Less Sensitivity

2006-08-10T17:05:14Z

Story Title: A Little Less Sensitivity
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: Psyche Out has a plan to help Pietro and Carly through their separate clown traumas. The problem is, the rest of the Misfits want to help, too...
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Little Less Sensitivity

"So. They tell me that neither of you have slept in a week," Psyche Out said.

Pietro and Carly just looked back at him.

"Would you two like to say anything?"

Pietro shook his head, but Carly opened her mouth. "Can't sleep, clowns will eat me." It was spoken so softly it was barely audible.

"Yes, well...It's going to take some time, but I'm sure we can help you deal with your respective traumas and get past them," Psyche Out said delicately, looking at the two teens; both of whom looked as though they were about to bolt. "I can't promise you that it will be easy and that it won't be a little painful. But if you both work really hard and give it some time, you will both be fine; you will both survive your phobia. What do you say to that?"

The two remained silent. The psychiatrist resisted the urge to sigh and shake his head. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Nothing? Carly, why don't you start? How did you first come to be afraid of clowns?"

"A clown tried to kill me."

"I'm sure that's not true," he replied. "Clowns aren't homicidal."

"I'm telling the truth. A clown tried to strangle me! He almost succeeded until Adam came in and helped me!" the feral cried hysterically. "I was almost a goner!"

"A clown almost killed you?" Pietro asked. "Clowns are evil. Everyone's talking about the Mutant Menace, but what about the Floppy Shoed Menace?"

"I know! Clowns are out there killing people every day but no one crawls over them about it!"

"Alright, alright. I believe you," Psyche Out placated. "A clown tried to strangle you. Why don't you tell me more about this incident?"

"Adam and I were living with this one foster family...I can't remember where. I've tried my best to block it out, but not all of it will remain blocked," Carly explained. "It was Christmas and we opened our presents. They gave me this huge clown rag doll." She paused. "I'm serious, that thing was huge! It was almost as big as I was and had long, floppy limbs. I liked it. I didn't know any better."

"What happened then?"

"That night I had it in bed with me. I mean, all kids sleep with stuffed animals don't they?"

"And some teens and adults," Pietro added.

"Right. All was fine until I woke up in the middle of the night. I was having trouble breathing and I felt these long strips of fabric around my neck, pressing on my windpipe. It was the clown's arms! They were wrapped around my neck; cutting off my breathing...it was horrible! If Adam hadn't been there and heard me banging on the wall between our rooms, the clown would've succeeded! I'd be dead right now!"

"So you were almost suffocated by a stuffed clown doll?" The shrink had to take a moment to suppress his laughter. "Alright. And Pietro, I've been told about what happened to you to cause your coulrophobia. Is there anything you'd like to add?"

"I'll never forget the sight of those 37 clowns trying to dig me out with those tiny shovels," the white-haired teen replied. "It was horrible...them coming at me with those pointed spades. They just keep coming and they take so long...I couldn't move, all I could do was stay there. Clowns are evil!"

"Right, well, I think I have enough to create a strategy to help you two cope with your fears. Why don't you both come back here tomorrow at the same time and we'll begin?"

The two teens nodded and he walked them out, where they were met by Beach Head.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"I think I have enough now to get started on their recovery, but it's going to take a little time," Psyche Out answered after it appeared the two patients weren't going to reply.

"I hope it won't take too long. I'm not sure how much longer I can listen to Alice Cooper's 'Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me' without going insane," the Ranger groaned.

"Does it seem to help Carly at all?"

"I don't know, but it sure is driving me up the wall."

"I've told the two to come back tomorrow at the same time and we'll get into the meat of the matter."

"I'll make sure they get here," Beach Head assured him. He wanted this flare-up over with as quickly as possible.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile, across the Pit at Misfit Manor, the rest of the team was gathered in Todd's room discussing their friends' "problem."

"I've read all about it," Fred stated excitedly. "It's called systematic desensitization therapy. It's all about exposing the subject to items and situations that make them uncomfortable."

"What does that have to do with us again?" Lance asked.

"We can help Pietro and Carly get better," the larger teen replied. "They'll get better much faster if we assist Psyche Out with their therapy. We can work on them when they're not with him by showing them pictures and clown pare...para...paraphe...stuff. Then they'll see the clowns aren't bad!"

"That doesn't exactly sound like a bad idea," Todd said after the team had thought about it for a few minutes. "It would be nice to be able to walk into a room without a strung-out Pietro screaming like a girl."

"He does kind of sound like a girl when he screams, doesn't he?" Wanda asked, looking around.

"I thought we were talking about the clown situation, not the sissy screams," Xi said. "If we had a tape of him screaming, everyone would think he was a girl, though."

"We could always do a little test and make people listen to a tape of lots of different screams and ask them which gender they think the screamer is," Adam suggested. "That way we can get a wider opinion on whether or not Pietro does scream like a girl. I think he does."

"I don't think Psyche Out would want us interfering with his therapy," Lance broke in, switching the conversation back to its original topic.

"Lance is right," Althea agreed. "But what if a situation with Cobra or the Acolytes pops up before either of them are better? It wouldn't be a good idea to deal with it when those two could snap at any moment and go hide in a tree."

"Exactly," Fred said. "We need to help them. They're our friends. Isn't that what friends do, help each other?"

"It is," Todd agreed. "So what are we going to do? Help them or let Psyche Out handle it all on his own?"

"I say we help them," Althea decided.

"I'm in," Adam nodded. "They're driving me nuts. Have you ever spent five minutes with two people who keep chanting 'can't sleep, clowns will eat me'? It's torture!"

"Whatever," Lance shrugged. "This will all blow up in our faces, but maybe this will be the one time everything goes according to plan."

"There's optimism for you," Wanda quipped. "I vote yes."

"We need to help," Xi voiced his opinion.

"Then it's all agreed? We're taking the evil out of the clowns?" Todd said making sure that that was their decision.

"Good. It's settle then," Fred smiled. "Althea, should we ask your sisters to help?"

Althea looked at him like he was insane. "Are you kidding? Those three nuts would make the situation worse!"

"I suppose you're right. Let's get started on Operation: A Little Less Sensitivity."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The next day, Carly opened the drawer of her desk and saw a folded sheet of paper that hadn't been there before and she took it out. Unfolding it she looked at it. In the center of the sheet there was a very tiny drawing. She turned on her feral vision as she studied it then dropped with a scream. "CLOWN!"

Meanwhile, across the Pit, Pietro was primping in front of the mirror. Just because he was stressed out and hadn't slept in a week since the nightmare at the circus didn't mean he couldn't look his best. He opened the medicine cabinet to get his hair gel when he noticed the bright red clown nose sitting on the shelf. He screamed and ran away. "The clowns are coming back to finish me off!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"There are absolutely now clowns in the Pit," Psyche Out told Pietro in a calm voice. "They didn't leave a calling card. Someone was probably just playing a trick on you. Don't worry; I'll get to the bottom of this. Now will you please come out from under the house?"

"No, there are clowns out there. I'm safe down here," the terrified teen replied, pouting. "They'll never find me here."

The psychiatrist opened his mouth to speak when Low Light walked up to him. "We've found Carly."

"Where is she?" The entire base had been searching for the two teens and Pietro had been found first.

"She's up a tree and refuses to come down," he answered. "Beach Head is trying to coax her down. He still under the house?"

"I'm not coming out!" Pietro called to him, answering the question.

"Psyche, did you ever get the feeling that we live in an insane asylum?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A week later, the situation wasn't getting any better. Every day there were new items of clown paraphernalia mysteriously appeared around the base when everyone, Pietro and Carly especially, least expected it.

"Do you think the Misfits are, in some strange way, trying to help those two?" Cover Girl asked the assembled group of guardians as they sat around one of the Mess Hall tables.

"I don't think they'd be that insensitive about this," Shipwreck replied.

"I know they all like to pick on each other, but I'm not sure they'd go this far," Roadblock shook his head.

"They might," Psyche Out said as he walked up to the table and sat down. "I just noticed that some of my books on Systematic Desensitization are missing."

"Let me guess, Fred has them?" Beach Head groaned.

"It's possible they could be trying to help Carly and Pietro," the shrink replied.

"Some help," Low Light grumbled. "Those two are bigger basket cases than ever."

"We'll have to have a talk with them," Cover Girl said. "This can't go on much longer. None of us can take it."

"At least we know they're trying to help and no one is torturing anyone else on purpose," Roadblock pointed out with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Are you guys seeing what I'm seeing?" Psyche Out asked as he looked out the window. The others turned to see what he was looking at.

Outside, they saw Fred dressed up as a clown, slowly walking toward where coulrophobes were sitting, keeping their eyes out for the next clown attack. After Fred reached his two friends, he pulled them into a bear hug, startling them. Almost in unison, the two turned their heads and saw the clown makeup and began screaming hysterically. Their screams startled Fred and he dropped them as he began screaming himself.

With one last ear-piercing scream, Pietro and Carly both ran off to hide in their respective rooms. The adults groaned and watched them scurry away.

"Remind me to kill those kids," Beach Head sighed.

"I wonder if there are any medications for this," Psyche Out mused out loud. "Or do you think we could talk Xavier into wiping their memories?"

The End

Three Rings and a Mutant

2006-08-10T17:02:07Z

Story Title: Three Rings and a Mutant
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: Also subtitled Send in the Clowns. The circus is in town and Shipwreck and Roxie decide to make it a date and take the babies. But when Pietro and Adam tagalong, things don't go as smoothly as anyone could have hoped.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

Three Rings and a Mutant or Send In the Clowns

The various members of the Misfits were lounging around the living room of their house, enjoying the peace and quiet that Pietro and Adam's absences afforded. It wasn't often they were out of the house, but this just happened to be one of those times and the others were going to enjoy it as long as it lasted.

It didn't last too much longer as the front door slammed open and Pietro took a few steps into the house before spotting them. "I don't want to talk about it!" he said in a loud, frenzied voice, before bolting up the stairs and into his room.

Almost in unison, the others turned their heads from the stairs back to the front door as Shipwreck, Roxie, Adam, Claudius, and Barney entered the house.

"What was that all about?" Althea asked, voicing the question they were all thinking.

"I'll bet I know," Carly piped up. "He was attacked by a clown. Clowns are evil, you know. I told you someone would get attacked by a clown!"

"He didn't get attacked by a clown," Todd replied with a shake of his head. He then turned to look up at Shipwreck and Roxie. "Did he?"

"No, he didn't," Roxie replied. "There were no attacking clowns."

"She's just saying that so we don't get scared," Carly whispered to Todd. "Clowns attacked him."

Adam rolled his eyes as he put the babies in their playpen. "You need therapy, Carly. He wasn't attacked by clown...I don't think."

"See! I told you!" Carly said, feeling her point proven. "The clowns attacked!"

"Clowns didn't attack!" Roxie, Adam, and Shipwreck yelled the response.

Carly scowled back at them. "Well, it could happen. They're evil, you know."

"If clowns didn't attack, what happened?" Lance asked, shooting Carly a look telling her to shut up.

Shipwreck and Roxie sat on the couch and relaxed back against it.

"It's a bit of a long story," Shipwreck said after a few moments of silence.

"It's tragic," Adam added. "And...traumatic...and hilarious!" At that last statement, he burst out laughing.

"Knock it off, Adam!" Roxie ordered him in her stern voice. "It isn't that funny."

"I'm sorry. I know it isn't," the light bender replied, his voice contrite. He turned to the others and mouthed, 'yes it is!'

There were another few moments of silence. "Well, come on! Someone tell us what happened!" Althea burst out.

"Alright," Shipwreck sighed. "It all started two days ago when..."

"We know that part," Fred pointed out.

"I know you know that part, but it's best when explained from the beginning. Now are you all going to shut up and let me tell the story?"

"Yes, sir," they chorused, some more reluctantly than the others.

"Alright then. Now as I was saying, it all began two days ago at breakfast..."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Two days ago...

"The circus is coming! The circus is coming!"

All the residents of Misfit Manor (and Carly, who had decided to eat breakfast with them) looked at an excited Quicksilver as he stood jumping up and down just inside the kitchen, a sheet of brightly colored paper clutched tightly in his hand. He lost their attention just as quickly as he'd gotten it in the first place.

"Didn't you guys hear me?" Pietro asked his voice bordering on a whine.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. The circus is coming," Lance replied, not really all that interested.

"Exactly! Why aren't you guys more excited?"

"I guess no one likes the circus as much as you, Pietro," Lady Jaye answered. "Now sit down and eat your breakfast.

The white-haired teen sat in his usual chair and pouted. How could no one else be as excited as he was? All the bright colors, the clowns, the elephants, the attractive women in spandex and sequins...

Adam watched him pout for a few moments. "All right! Let me see what you have there, you big pouter."

"Thank you!" Pietro handed the flyer to his Filipino friend. "The big top opens in two days. Do you want to go?"

The black-haired youth considered the question. "I'll think about it," he finally answered. "I like a circus as much as the next guy...though, obviously, not as much as you."

"Can I see that for a moment?" Shipwreck asked, holding his hand out for the advertisement, which was promptly handed to him. He studied it a few moments. "This might make for a good teem bonding experience."

He looked up to get feedback on the suggestion and was met with only four interested faces (Pietro, Trinity, and, to a much, much lesser degree, Adam) and several horrified ones-both kids and adults-staring back at him. The horrified ones looked close to mutiny if he were to force them to go.

"All right, you win. No team expedition to the circus. How about just a Delgado family bonding experience? Carly, we can invite your mom and you can come along."

"But we're not Delgado's," Carly replied.

"But if I play my cards right with Roxie, maybe someday I will be!"

Carly and Althea locked gazes. Neither wanted to entertain that thought nor the thought of going to the circus.

"Are you sure about this, Dad?" Althea asked. "Remember what happened the last time there was a Delgado family trip to the circus."

The father and daughter both immediately turned to the triplets, who looked back with their most innocent faces.

"What?" Daria asked.

"It's not as if any permanent damage was done," Brittany added.

"Yeah. The Ringmaster was only out for a couple of hours," Quinn shrugged.

"True, but we got sued for that little trick of yours," Althea snapped. "We don't need to go through yet another litigation!"

"I have an idea," Carly supplied, not certain she really wanted to know what caused the Ringmaster to pass out. "Why don't you and my mom take Claudius and Barney and have yourselves a nice little date. Althea and I will look after the triplets so you can enjoy yourselves."

"That's an excellent idea," Althea beamed. "Who knows, maybe it's a right card to play?"

"I don't know...are you sure you two don't want to go? Look at the flyer," he prompted, sliding the advertisement toward the two girls.

Carly glanced at the paper and screamed. "Clown!" She jumped away from the table and ran out of the house, screaming hysterically the entire time.

"What was that about?" a stunned Shipwreck questioned.

"She has a little fear of clowns," Adam answered, completely unconcerned having gone through that multiple times before. "Could anyone please pass the milk?"

"Can I go on the date with you?" Pietro asked hopefully.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

One Day Ago...

"Why can't I go to the circus with you?"

"That makes the 28th time this morning," Xi commented.

"If he says it any more, I think I'm going to hit him," Lance groaned. "It's getting more than just a little irritating."

"Nonstop yesterday," Todd added. "And 28 times today and we've all only been up for a half-an hour!"

"Why not? Can I please go?"

"Twenty-nine," Fred sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Dad, please let him go with you," Althea pleaded. "He can help you look after Claudius and Barney so you and Roxie can spend a little alone time together."

"Would you really want to entrust your little brothers to the care of my brother?" Wanda asked her, not sure how much faith should be placed in her sibling.

"You may have a point," the water manipulator considered.

"I'll go along to help," Adam reluctantly volunteered.

"You will?"

"Anything to get him to shut up. He's driving me nuts! Maybe if he's allowed to go, he'll be too happy to speak."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Pietro's voice was heard once again.

"Fine! You can go!" Shipwreck relented. He looked at the other Misfits. "Dogs everywhere must've been in pain just then."

"Yay, I'm going to the circus!"

Carly walked in and watched Pietro jumping up and down in excitement. "I wouldn't, if I were you. The clowns will eat you, you know."

"Who cares? I'm going got the circus!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

This Morning...

Roxie looked around the living room of Misfit Manor, where the entire team, save Pietro, was gathered. "So it's just Shipwreck, Pietro, Adam, the babies, and myself who are going? Doesn't anyone else want to come along?"

"No thanks," was the responding chorus.

"For as excited as Pietro was about going to the circus, he sure is taking his sweet time getting ready to go," Shipwreck commented.

"He's been ready and waiting to go for the past three and a half hours," Lance informed him. "He's been waiting outside.

"Is it time to go yet?" Pietro asked, popping his head through the doorway.

"Yes, it is," Shipwreck sighed as the white-haired boy grinned and broke into song.

"We're going to the circus! We're going to the circus!"

"And this is before he gets any sugar into him," Adam snickered, placing first Claudius, then Barney in their stroller.

Carly opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by her mother. "Yes, dear, we'll watch out for the man-eating clowns. We won't be eaten."

"Watch out for the ones that just attack, too," the feral added helpfully.

"We will," Shipwreck stated with a roll of his eyes. "Everybody ready?" he asked before teleporting them all to the nearest town and the circus.

"We're at the circus!" Pietro called out happily. "The colors, the smells...the circus freaks. You just gotta love it!"

"Do you think it's possible we can keep him away from all sugar and caffeine products?" Roxie asked as she and Shipwreck got in line to purchase their tickets.

"Are you nuts? That's impossible!" Adam answered. "C'mon, Pietro. Rein it in a little or you'll wear yourself out too soon."

Pietro looked at him and rolled his eyes. "That's not possible. This is the greatest day of the year."

"Here are the tickets," Shipwreck said, walking up to them. "The show under the Big Top begins in forty-five minutes. Be on your best behavior today. As Althea has pointed out, we don't need to give the lawyers of the world any more business than they already get from us. That goes double for you, Pietro!"

"Alright, alright. I'll behave. Can we get going already? I wanna go to the circus!" Pietro stated, once again doing his excited, bouncy dance.

"Wait just a minute," Roxie replied. "If we get separated, we'll meet back here at, let's say, three o'clock. And keep an eye on the babies if they're with you. They're young and can't take care of themselves as well as you can. Alright?"

"We'll take good care of them," Adam assured her. "Now let's get into the circus before Pietro has a heart attack."

Shipwreck handed them all their tickets and they entered the circus grounds. Pietro immediately began tugging on the light bender's arm, urging him to hurry up.

Adam rolled his eyes and grasped hold of the stroller and glanced at the grown-ups. "You two have a good time. I'll keep an eye on these three." He sighed and turned to follow Pietro off into the crowd.

"Alone at last!"

Adam heard Shipwreck's happy statement before he got too far from the two adults to hear them any longer. He glanced down at the babies. "Why did I choose him as my guardian again? I'm not sure whom I pity more: you two for not having a choice in your guardian or me for actually choosing him. Now where's the speed demon?" He looked around and spotted his friend waiting in line for some popcorn. "I guess he can't get into any trouble getting popcorn, can he?"

The light manipulator stood a few feet away from the popcorn vendor, unconcerned about any trouble happening. That was just about the time the popcorn machine began to vibrate and emit some black smoke.

"That can't be good," he murmured just before the machine blew up, sending popcorn raining over the area. "Nope, that wasn't good at all."

Pietro stalked over to him, a pout on his face. "I didn't do it!" he immediately defended himself. "You saw it, I didn't do a thing."

"You won't get in trouble, I promise," Adam replied. "You really didn't do a thing."

"Oooh, who's that?"

"You have the attention span of a fruit fly," the Filipino boy groaned before turning to see who his friend was looking at. "I give, which one?"

"The blonde in the sequins," he answered. "Isn't she gorgeous."

"Do you mean the one with her legs behind her head?"

"Yes. Don't you just love contortionists?"

"They are intriguing, aren't they?" Adam noticed Pietro begin to walk away. "Where are you going?"

"To grace her with the wonder that is me."

The black-haired teen looked down at the babies again. "His ego knows no bounds. I don't think she's going to be all that interested."

He was soon proven right as he noticed the blonde contortionist rolling her eyes. Pietro didn't seem to be getting the hint as he continued laying on his charm. Unfortunately, he didn't notice an extremely muscular man walk up behind him until he tapped on his shoulder.

"I think that's her boyfriend," Adam told the babies.

Pietro soon made a quick retreat back to where the three mutants were still standing (or in the babies' case, sitting). "She already had a boyfriend."

"I figured," Adam snorted. "Come on, let's go get these two some cotton candy."

After getting Barney and Claudius their cotton candy, and some for Pietro, he led the group over to a nearby bench. "Pietro, I've been wondering something. Why are you so darn excited about the circus?"

"What's not to be excited about? The circus is a wonderful place to be. All the joy, fun, and friendly clowns."

"I'm serious, what's the deal?"

"I went to the circus a few times when I was younger. There was always a portion of the show where the clowns chose someone from the audience to join them for a while. I was always overlooked and I want to be in the show!"

Adam just stared at him for a while. "You are, quite possibly, the most insane person I've met in my life. Well, not including Carly when she's on catnip."

"No one's more insane than her on catnip. Or Todd on butterflies. Or you on B.A.'s coffee."

"Whatever. You're just determined to be the Clown's helper, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. Today is the day. Today I'm going to help the clowns!"

"Well, your mind is completely made up, so I can't see how it won't happen." And if it didn't happen, then they'd all have to deal with a pouting Pietro for at least a week. He glanced at his watch. "It looks like it's almost time for your chance. It's time to meet Roxie and Shipwreck at the Big Top."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Pietro asked as he began to jog toward the Big Top.

"Never again. Never, never again am I going to the circus with that guy. He's insane," Adam mumbled as he began pushing the babies toward the Big Top at a more sedate pace.

"There they are," Quicksilver pointed out, spotting Shipwreck and Roxie.

Bender merely nodded and followed. "You'd better pray the clowns want to be his friend," he whispered to the two adults when he got near enough. "He's driving me nuts and it'd be nice to have a break."

Roxie threw him a sympathetic look and took over pushing the stroller. "Are you two ready to watch the show?" she asked as they entered the Big Top.

The group found seats near the center of the tent and settled in to watch the show. It wasn't long before the clowns came out and began to do their routine.

"Here it comes!" Pietro murmured excitedly. "The clowns are going to choose an assistant!"

Adam glanced at the adults as the firefighter clown began to make his way toward their section of the audience. "Don't ask," he whispered. "You don't want to know."

He'd barely gotten the whispered statements out before Pietro began shrieking and jumping up and down in triumph. "I'm going to be the clown's assistant! I'm going to be in the show!"

"Again, dogs in a thirty mile radius are howling in pain," Shipwreck winced.

"Is this why he's been so excited about the circus?" Roxie asked.

"Yes," Adam answered, watching Pietro climb into the hook and ladder of the little clown fire engine.

The little vehicle did a few laps around the ring before the engine began to smoke. Shortly after the smoke began, the fire engine began to speed up and veer out of control before it made a sudden stop, catapulting Pietro off the hook and ladder and straight into the hind end of Puddles the Elephant, who'd been standing nearby. Puddles let out an ear-splitting trumpet as he literally got the bejeezus scared out of him.

"Did that really just happen?" Adam asked in surprised as he looked down into the ring. The only thing he could see of his friend was his white head sticking out of the top of a mound of brown manure.

"We should probably take him home," Shipwreck said, staring down into the ring.

"Just as soon as the finish digging him out, that is," Roxie added as the clowns finally shook themselves out of their shocked stupor and started to free their no-longer-excited assistant out of the mess he was stuck in.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Present...

"How long did it take to get him out?" Todd asked, trying his hardest to suppress his laughter.

"About an hour. It might have gone quicker if the only shovels available hadn't been the tiny clown ones," Roxie answered, shooting the teens a disapproving look. "It really isn't that funny."

"Are you kidding? He flew into an Elephant's rear end!" Althea laughed. "I actually kind of wish I'd been there to see it."

"Shh!" Xi hissed. "Here he comes."

"I still don't want to talk about it," Pietro stated, a pout on his face as he flopped back in one of the chairs.

"I told you clowns were evil," Carly told him.

"I should've believed you. They cause nothing but pain and suffering," the speedy mutant agreed.

"Pietro, I have something for you," Adam said. "I saved it for you." He handed his friend a folded up piece of paper.

Both Pietro and Carly looked at the program from the circus and screamed. "Clown!" They both immediately began to scream hysterically and ran out of the room.

"It looks like Psyche Out is going to be busier than usual for the foreseeable future," Lance sighed.

The End

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (08)

2006-08-10T16:44:05Z

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (07)

2006-08-10T16:40:00Z

Story Title: Happy Holidays From the Misfits
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: An 8-chapter story detailing the Holiday Spirit, Joy, and Wishes of the Misfits.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

The song this time is Allan Sherman's "The Twelve Gifts of Christmas."

Chapter 7: Pietro's Christmas Spirit

Pietro smiled as he loaded up the babies' wagon with his Christmas presents and pulled it behind him into his room. All in all, it had been a great day.

He turned on his computer and waited for it to boot up as he lined up his gifts. It was time to record another video message for the greatest website of all: His own. It was a website dedicated to the most perfect creation in existence: Himself. He owed it to the people, after all, to let them get as close to him as possible. And his website was just one way to do so.

He started up his web cam program and, after making sure he looked amazing, he began recording his message.

"Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my adoring fans. I'm sure you're all wondering what all I have gotten for the holiday and I've created a little number to tell you."

He cued an instrumental track of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" on his CD player then smiled at the camera.

"On the first day of Christmas, Adam gave to me, a Japanese transistor radio." He held up the radio for his adoring fans to see.

"On the second day of Christmas, my sister gave to me, Green polka-dot pajamas. And a Japanese transistor radio." Again, he held up his presents. "It's a Nakashuma," he explained.

"On the third day of Christmas, Freddie gave to me, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man. Green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio. It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued." He rolled his eyes as he looked at Adam's gift.

"On the fourth day of Christmas, Lance gave to me, a simulated alligator wallet. A calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio. And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it, so you can listen right through the case." He showed the holes to the camera.

"On the fifth day of Christmas, the Toad gave to me, a statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be. A simulated alligator wallet, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio. And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you can stick in your ear, and a thing on the other end that you can't stick anywhere, because it's bent." He looked at the useless earphones then tossed them aside.

"On the sixth day of Christmas, Althea gave to me, a hammered aluminum nutcracker. And all that other stuff, and a Japanese transistor radio.

"On the seventh day of Christmas, Carly gave to me, a pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it. And all that other stuff, and a Japanese transistor radio.

"On the eighth day of Christmas, Xi gave to me, an indoor plastic birdbath. And all that other stuff, and a Japanese transistor radio."

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if his friends were playing some type of practical joke on him.

"On the ninth day of Christmas, Trinity gave to me, a pair of teakwood shower clogs. And a Japanese transistor radio.

"On the tenth day of Christmas, the Babies gave to me, a chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter. And a Japanese transistor radio.

"On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Adults gave to me, An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television but not when you get it home. And a Japanese transistor radio."

Now it was time for the big finish.

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange...on the twelfth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange: an automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television but not when you get it home, a chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter, a pair of teakwood shower clogs, an indoor plastic birdbath, a pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it, a hammered aluminum nutcracker, a statue of a lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be, a simulated alligator wallet, a calendar book with the name of my insurance man, green polka-dot pajamas, and a Japanese transistor radio!" He gave a suave grin to the camera. "Merry Christmas everybody!" He leaned in to kiss the camera.

"That kid needs a different hobby," Low Light grumbled as he backed out of the room. "He gets creepier every day."

Chapter: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (06)

2006-08-10T16:34:04Z

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (05)

2006-08-10T16:28:54Z

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (04)

2006-08-10T16:25:03Z

Story Title: Happy Holidays From the Misfits
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: An 8-chapter story detailing the Holiday Spirit, Joy, and Wishes of the Misfits.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

The song is "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy. P.S. I don't know anything about the comics or the original X-Men cartoon so please bear with me if I'm messing with things a little. But hey, that's the fan fiction writer's prerogative.

Chapter 4: Xi, Fred, and Todd's Christmas Present

"What's that?" Jean asked Scott as he walked into the common area of the X-Mansion with a package wrapped in brown paper. Said package had immediately attracted the attention of all the students in the room.

"A present, I guess," the team leader replied, eyeing the package warily. Something about it was making him nervous. "It came in today's mail."

"Like, who is it addressed to?" Kitty asked, watching from her position on the couch.

"The X-Men. It must be for all of us," he answered, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well what are you waiting for?" Multiple asked eagerly. "Open it!"

"Open what?" Ororo asked as she entered the room, the other adults close behind her.

"A package we got in the mail," Scott replied. "It's addressed to the X-Men."

"Who's it from?" Logan asked warily. Who would be sending the team a package? And whoever it was...was it a friend or a foe?

"It doesn't say. The return address only says Happy Holidays," Scott said, holding the package out for the teacher to look at.

"Why does this handwriting look familiar?" Hank questioned as he looked at the handwritten address.

Rogue looked at and rolled her eyes. "Because it's the Toad's."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I lived with him for a time and we all went to school with him...trust me, that's his chicken scratch," she replied as she walked back to her chair.

"Are we sure we want to open it?" Jean asked everyone.

"Look at the bright side. At least he didn't deliver it in person," Kurt said.

"That can only be because it's something we'll want to hurt him for," she pointed out.

"But if we never open it, we'll never know. Besides, how is that different from every other day?"

"You have a point. Let's open it," Jean decided with a sigh, passing the package to Kurt.

"Why do I have to open it?" he asked.

"I'll open it," Scott sighed. "But if I blow up or it's one of Toad's shaving cream bombs or dye bombs, it's on your heads." He took the brown wrapping off the box and took a deep breath before opening the lid. "It's a video tape."

"We all know how much Todd loves making movies. He's probably found some new way to irritate us on film," Remy said. "We might as well watch it. Then we can decide on the appropriate punishment."

Everyone took a seat as Scott popped the videocassette in the VCR and hit the play button.

The screen turned black as the titles went by. "Christmas With the X-Men (A Tragic Comedy)" the first screen said in white writing. "Animation, direction, filming, and all other duties by Fred Dukes, Todd Tolensky, and Xi," read the next screen.

The black screen slowly morphed into a crudely drawn cartoon and a familiar tune began to flow out of the speakers, accompanied by the three Misfits' singing voices. The cartoon depicted everything they were singing as they sang it.

"An X-Geek got run over by a reindeer walking home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe."

"Remind me why we decided to watch this?" Jean groaned.

"She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog and we'd begged her, please, to go. But she'd forgot a celebration, so she stumbled out the door into the snow," Todd's voice continued alone.

"She? I thought they were going to get a dig in at me," Scott mumbled quietly. He was one of their three favorite targets...which meant that it was a dig at either Jean or Kitty...

"When they found her Christmas mornin' at the scene of the attack. There were hoof prints on her forehead and incriminatin' Claus marks on her back."

The chorus began anew as the three Misfits once again sang together. "An X-Geek got run over by a reindeer walkin' home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe."

"Now were all so proud of Scooter, he's been takin' this so well," Xi's voice continued alone. "See him in there watchin' football, drinkin' beer and playin' cards with Multiple."

"It seems I spoke too soon," Scott groaned.

"It's not Christmas without Jeanie. Everybody's dressed in black. And we just can't help but wonder: should we open up her gifts or send them back?"

"I'm going to kill them. I mean it, I'm going to kill them," Jean fumed.

The chorus came again with three eager voices. "An X-Geek got run over by a reindeer walkin' home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe."

"Y'know, I think this is actually quite entertaining," Rogue whispered quietly to Remy, trying to hide the smile on her face.

And now it was Fred's turn to sing. "Now the goose is on the table and the pudding made of cheese dip. And a blue and silver candle that would just have matched the hair above her lip."

At this quite a few of the people in the room couldn't contain their laughter and burst out with hysterical laughter.

"This isn't funny!" Jean yelled. "Logan, Beast! Stop laughing! Please?"

"I've warned all my friends and neighbors, 'better watch out for yourselves.' They should never give a license, to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves."

"That's it, I'm giving my sister a call. Her husband's Uncle Carmine will wipe the floor with those twerps!" Jean threatened with venom. "He's got guys who would be able to terrify even Magneto!"

"Jean got run over by a reindeer walkin' home from our house, Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and these two, we believe!" the trio finished with gusto as the cartoon showed its most common clip: Jean getting run over by a sleigh.

"They're all going to die! I'll make sure of it!" Jean yelled as she stomped out of the room and up to her room to phone her sister. Everyone in the common room flinched at the loud, reverberating sound of her door slamming.

"Scott? Shouldn't you go up there and calm her down?" Kitty asked.

Scott gave her a dirty look. "I knew I should've tossed the thing in the mail when we got it. Why was I so stupid?" he whined quietly to himself.

Chapter: 01, 02, 03

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (03)

2006-08-10T16:19:12Z

Story Title: Happy Holidays From the Misfits
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: An 8-chapter story detailing the Holiday Spirit, Joy, and Wishes of the Misfits.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

The song contained in this chapter is "The Pretty Little Dolly" by Mona Abboud.

Chapter 3: Adam's Chat with Santa

"I'm telling you guys, this is a mistake," Carly hissed to Roadblock, Cover Girl, Low Light, and Shipwreck.

The four adults had decided to take the Triplets and the Babies to visit Santa at the nearby mall. Adam had immediately begged to come along. Then Carly had joined them on their excursion, all the time calling the trip a mistake.

"Then why did you come?" Low Light grumbled at the same time as Cover Girl asked, "Why is it a mistake?"

"Because I want to see the looks on your faces," she answered, looking at Low Light. She then turned her gaze to Cover Girl. "You'll see. Adam's up next."

"What does he do? Bite the jolly old man?" Shipwreck laughed.

"You'll see. He'll do the same thing he always does when he goes to see Santa."

When it was finally his turn, Adam walked up to Santa and sat on his lap, a large smile on his face. He was holding a sheet of paper. "It's my Christmas letter to you," he explained. "I was going to mail it to you, but then I learned that we were coming to see you today so I thought I'd tell it to you in person."

Carly gave the adults an amused, almost mischievous smile as Adam began to read the letter.

"'Dear Santa Claus,'" he said clearly and politely, "'Cover Girl and Shipwreck said that if I was very good I could have whatever I wanted for Christmas. Well, I would like a dolly for Christmas. It is a very special dolly. I saw it advertised on television. In case you don't know which dolly I mean, I will try to describe it to you.'"

"Here's where it gets weird," Carly whispered.

"You mean it hasn't already?" Shipwreck asked, wondering why Adam would want a doll.

And it did get even weirder as Adam began to sing his Christmas list.

"The pretty little dolly can sit. The pretty little dolly can stand. She will even walk around the room if you take her hand."

"How is that different from any other dolls on the planet?" Shipwreck mumbled quietly.

"The pretty little dolly can turn. The pretty little dolly can dance. If you feed her water through a tube she'll wet her pants."

"Again, a lot like many dolls on the market nowadays," Cover Girl said.

"Close to fires she perspires. If you give her a playful squeeze, she will cough and belch and sneeze."

"Now I'm beginning to see the mistake," Roadblock said quietly.

"This isn't even close to being the mistake," Carly whispered back.

"Oh the pretty little dolly's so cute. The pretty little dolly's so real. If you take her out into the sun she burns and three days later she'll peel."

"Could that Santa looked any more freaked out right now?" Low Light asked.

"Just wait for it," Carly replied.

"The pretty little dolly can sing. The pretty little dolly can shout. Hold her footsies high above her head and she passes out."

"It can become more of a mistake than this?" Shipwreck asked, stunned.

"The pretty little dolly can plead. The pretty little dolly can beg. And she screams in realistic pain if you break her leg."

"There's no way a doll like this exists," Cover Girl whispered.

"Remind me to keep him away from Claudius and Barney," Shipwreck frowned.

"Heavy drinking gets her stinking. On her back you can turn a key and she goes through puberty."

"We need to have a chat with Psyche Out and get this kid some medication," Roadblock told the others.

"The pretty little dolly can laugh. The pretty little dolly can cry. If you wrap a plastic bag around her head she'll choke, turn purple, and die!"

"Yep, I'm definitely never leaving the babies in his care ever, ever again," Shipwreck moaned.

"It can only get better from here," Cover Girl said hopefully.

"Oh Santa, remember your part. Don't break a little boy's heart. Don't forget this Christmas the pretty little dolly is the present you must leave."

"See, it's getting better," Cover Girl smiled.

"Wait for it...that all was mild compared to what's coming up."

Adam smiled sweetly and got off Santa's lap. Then quickly grabbed the lapels of Santa's furry red jacket and him out of the chair in a threatening manor. "Remember that fatboy, bring that kid if you want to see New Year's Eve!!"

Carly looked at the horrified adults' faces with satisfaction. "I know you think I'm going to tell you that I told you so but I'm not going to tell you I told you so, but the truth is I told you so, but I'm not going to say that."

The adults gave her a rueful look then turned to look at Adam, who was walking back to them with a pleasant smile on his face.

"This was such a mistake..." Roadblock groaned.

"He's never looking after my kids again," Shipwreck moaned.

Chapter: 01, 02

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (02)

2006-08-10T16:00:53Z

Happy Holidays From the Misfits (01)

2006-08-10T15:57:20Z

Story Title: Happy Holidays From the Misfits
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: An 8-chapter story detailing the Holiday Spirit, Joy, and Wishes of the Misfits.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

I don't own any of the songs contained in this story. They can all be found on two different CDs. Dr. Demento Presents the Greatest Christmas Novelty CD of All Time and Holidays in Dementia (also put out by Dr. Demento.)

I was going to start this 8-chapter story off with Althea's tale, but it just seemed appropriate to start it off with the chapter idea that started it all. Besides, Althea's chapter is funnier because of a line in this chapter, so switching the order of the two turned out to be a smart thing to do.

Also, these chapters don't really go by any time order (i.e. certain days), they all just take place over the entire Holiday season. You can imagine any date you want for them to take place. The song contained in this chapter is "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by Gayla Peevey.

P.S. Rhyming dictionaries are wonderful, wonderful things.

Happy Holidays From the Misfits

Chapter 1: Carly's Christmas Wish

"It's your first Christmas as a dad," Roadblock observed with a smile as Beach Head passed him. "Don't the holidays make you glad?"

Beach Head gave the other man's obvious cheer a baleful look. "That girl is insane. There isn't a surface of our place that isn't decorated with lights or something sparkly. She's going overboard."

"This Christmas together is your first," Roadblock reiterated. "Multiple decorations are hardly the worst."

"So you say. It looks like Liberace, Siegfried, and Roy all got together for a party and puked all over my apartment. It's almost scary!" was the grumbled reply.

At just that moment a large lighted and tinseled team of wire reindeer on wheels passed by the two men, dragging behind them a matching sleigh with an inflatable Homer Simpson in full Santa garb. "You did explain to her some of the traditions of the Pit, didn't you? We wouldn't want her to end up scarred."

"More or less," Beach Head replied as he watched the wire display roll past. "Though seeing the things this base does during the holiday season, it's likely she'll join in and amp them up a bit. I wonder how much longer the reindeer are going to remain their original colors. Knowing her she'll turn them all purple or blue. Or maybe even covered with black lights." The last was said mostly just thinking out loud. He turned back to Roadblock. "I explained a few of the traditions, including General Hawk's dressing up as Santa for the kids."

The bald man smiled. "Have you begun your Christmas shopping for her yet?"

"No. I have no idea what she wants. Why do you have to get people presents?"

"Because, if the kids are telling the truth, she already has all her Christmas shopping done. You and Sgt. Snuffles are getting more than one."

"She got one for Sgt. Snuffles?"

"She did, yes," Roadblock answered with a smile. "You have to get her some now, I guess."

"You're enjoying all this, aren't you? The fact that I don't know what to do."

"Just ask her what she wants, you big baby, it's not that hard."

Once the words were out of Roadblock's mouth, Carly conveniently ran up to them with a huge smile.

"I came to tell you what I want for Christmas," she told them.

"And what is it you want?" Beach Head asked. Truth be told, he was a little apprehensive about whatever it was she'd want.

"I'll tell you. Hit it, Sam," she said and was met with silence. "That's right, we don't have a piano player."

"Carly!" The ranger turned an exasperated look to their friend. "Roadblock! That ain't funny!"

"Please, Carly, do go on," Roadblock said, stifling his laughter.

Carly nodded with a big grin. And when she opened her mouth they understood just why it was she needed a piano player nearby. Her Christmas list was in the form of a song.

"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, only a hippopotamus will do. Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy, I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy."

"A hippopotamus?" Beach Head questioned, astounded. Out of all the things he'd expected her to list, that wasn't even in the ballpark.

"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, I don't think Gen'ral Hawk will mind, do you? He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue, just bring him through the front door, that's the easy thing to do!"

"Roadblock! Stop laughing this instant!" Beach Head ordered. "You wouldn't find this so funny if it was one of your kids requesting this!"

"I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs. Oh what joy and what surprise, when I open up my eyes, to see a hippo hero standing there."

"Just when I thought everyone couldn't get any more insane," the Ranger was grumbling, his glance switching between the singing girl and the army officer who was laughing so hard he was rolling on the ground.

"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses, I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me too!"

"Carly? How in the world am I supposed to get a hippo!?"

"Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then Jaye says a hippo is a vegetarian."

"At least your ditzy mother is right in not wanting you to get one," Beach Head grumbled with a roll of his eyes. "And, if you get one, just where are you going to put it? There's no room in our apartment."

"There's lots of room for him in the Pit's garage. I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage."

"Massage? You'd give it a massage? Darn it, Roadblock! STOP LAUGHING!"

"I can see me now on Christmas morning, creeping down the stairs. Oh what joy and what surprise, when I open up my eyes, to see a hippo hero standing there."

"This can't be my life. It just can't be my life."

"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, only a hippopotamus will do. No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses. I only like hippopotamuseses. And hippopotamuses like me too!"

"That was very nice," Beach Head said in a placating manor. "I'll tell you what. I'll think about it."

Carly frowned momentarily, but quickly covered it up with a smile. "Thank you."

As she walked away, the two army officers could hear her grumbling. "I bet my chances of getting a hippopotamus would be greater if we had a piano player!"

The Show Must Go On

2006-08-10T15:49:42Z

Story Title: The Show Must Go On
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: The Misfits must make a movie for a class project. But will they ever decide on the movie?
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

The Show Must Go On

"Refresh my memory. Why did you think it was a good idea for the kids and the X-Men to share a class together?" Beach Head asked as he watched the Misfits begin another argument.

"You know they need to learn to get along," Roadblock replied for what seemed like the millionth time. "And we thought it best that Jaye not teach a class about film and drama."

"So what's this assignment again?"

"They have to make a movie. They can write one or have it be a remake, but they have to make a movie," Low Light answered.

"We're doing The Blues Brothers!" Carly commanded.

"But I want to do Jem: Truly Outrageous!" Adam whined. "Let's do Jem!"

"We're not doing Blues Brothers and we aren't doing Jem!" Althea replied. "We all have to agree on something!"

"Then I'm not doing it, I want to do Jem!"

"And I want to do Blues Brothers."

"Your opinions have been noted and thrown out of court. There has to be something we can all agree on."

"How about a puppet version of Hamlet?" Fred suggested. Everyone looked at him like he was nuts. "It was only a suggestion. I just thought that Shakespeare would get us an easy A from Beast."

"If we can't come up with something else we'll do that," Althea decided. "Any other suggestions."

"Bl—"

"We're not doing Blues Brothers and that's final!"

"At least one of them has sense," Low Light chuckled.

"What's wrong with Blues Brothers?" Beach Head asked.

"Let me guess, you haven't seen the movie lately, have you?"

"Do you have any idea how many cars we'd have to buy to destroy for that movie?" Cover Girl asked.

"Oh, right…I forgot about that. And those kids don't need any more encouragement to crash things," Beach Head conceded.

"I want to do a musical," Pietro said.

"Well then we could—"

"Adam, if you say Jem, I'm going to smack you so hard your great grandchildren will feel it!" Althea threatened.

"Fine Miss Crabby Pants," the light bender pouted.

"But she's my Miss Crabby Pants," Todd proudly replied.

"Thanks for the support, Toddles, but it's not needed." She looked around the table. "Well?"

"Kill Bill," Wanda suggested. "Except rename it to Kill Magneto."

"As much fun as that would be…no."

"Well, we have to come up with something!"

"Blues Brothers!"

"Jem!"

"Sock Puppet Hamlet!"

"A Musical!"

"Kill Magneto!"

"No, no, no, no, and no! There has to be something we could do."

"We could do a documentary," Xi suggested. "A Day at the Pit."

"Hawk would never let us."

"Why do I have the feeling they're never going to agree on anything?" Beach Head whined.

"Because we know them too well," Roadblock replied

*****

"Now just how in the world did we end up doing Jem!?" Lance asked as they all met in the Misfit living room in full costume and makeup.

"I chose the longest straw," Adam stated proudly.

"This is just sad," Carly smirked. "Monty Python meets Jem. Or is it Jem meets San Francisco entertainment?"

"What are you complaining about?" Todd asked her. "You're a girl!"

"I'm not just a girl, I'm Pizzazz! Thank you for letting me be her."

"As if we had a choice," Wanda grouched. "I still can't believe you bit me!"

"Well, there was no way I was going to be a Hologram. I'm a Misfit."

"Me, too!"

"Hey, I let you be Roxy, what more do you want from me?"

"You 'let' me? Who died and made you queen?"

"I'm the leader of the Misfits. I'm Pizzazz."

"Why you little—"

"Let's not start this again," Althea, dressed as Aja, whined. "Let's just get this over with. Now when I call your name, say you're here. Understood."

"Of course we understand. We're not stupid," Fred replied.

"Oh, I must resist the urge to comment," Wanda moaned.

"Fine," Althea sighed. "Jem and Jerrica?"

"Here!" Adam shouted with excitement.

"Okay, who was supposed to give him his sedative?"

"Lifeline slammed the door in my face, laughing," Carly explained.

"Okay, we'll get revenge on him later. We'll give Adam some of B.A.'s coffee and lock him and Lifeline in a small room together for a few hours. Kimber?"

"Here, Cuddlebumps," Todd answered, thankful that he was one of the few allowed to wear pants.

"Shana?" Althea asked, being met by silence. "Shana?" Again there was no answer. "Xi! That's you!"

"It is?"

"Yes."

"Here."

"Synergy?"

"Here," Fred replied.

"Rio?"

"The perfection that is Pietro is here!" Quicksilver answered proudly.

"Eric?"

"Still here," Pietro replied.

"Remind me why he has two roles?" Lance asked.

"Simple. No one else would agree to be Rio and Quickie is the only one slimy enough to play Eric Raymond," Carly replied.

"I resent that."

"As if I care."

"Pizzazz?" Althea asked again, looking at Carly.

"I'm here."

"Roxy?"

"I still want to be Pizzazz," Wanda whined.

"Too bad. Stormer?"

"I hate you all. I hate you all so much," Lance stated.

"Why?" Carly asked. "You look cute in a dress."

"I want to die, I just want to die."

"Come on, let's get this over with," Althea said, turning to Cover Girl, who had agreed to operate the camera. "We're ready."

Cover Girl couldn't suppress her smile at the sight of the boys in drag. "You are aware that when the X-Men see this, the guys are never going to live it down, right?"

"That's why I made sure Adam got the long straw," Althea whispered back. "Make sure you get it all on tape. I know that the X-Geeks would love to see what nice legs Lance has under that skirt."

The End

Did It Hurt...?

2006-08-10T15:42:01Z

Story Title: Did It Hurt...?
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A typical Study Hall class period at the Pit. Poor Jaye.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

Did it Hurt…?

“If I could be anything, I’d love to be your bathwater.”

“What?” Jaye asked as she looked up from her magazine and looked toward Pietro, Carly, and Adam. “What are you three doing?”

“Making a list of bad pickup lines,” Pietro answered.

“We’re writing a book,” Carly continued.

“Maybe I can explain better,” Adam said. “They’re coming up with the pickup lines and I write them down. But it’s a bit like the battle of the pickup lines. We’ll edit them all together in a better manner before we get published.”

“They’ve been doing this since last night,” Fred groaned.

“Annoying, aren’t they?” Althea asked.

“Actually, I think I could help. You forget, I used to hang out at a bar. I’ve heard quite a few.”

“Oh, great,” Todd groaned. “They’ve converted the teacher!”

“So you want to help?” Carly asked hopefully.

“Why not? It’s not as if any of us are doing any real work today,” Jaye shrugged. “I love the invention of Study Hall.”

“Okay, show us what you got,” Pietro challenged.

“Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!” Jaye replied with a smirk.

“Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you,” Carly stated.

Pietro turned a suave smile on Jaye. “Pardon me, miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?”

Jaye rolled her eyes. “If you were a booger I’d pick you first.”

Adam burst out laughing. “You can’t be serious.”

“I totally am. A tourist tried to pick me up with that one.”

“What did you do?”

“I punched him. Got arrested. You know, nothing much.”

Carly suppressed a smile. “So, you’re a girl, huh?”

“I remember that guy!” Adam laughed.

“I told you not to wear my dress,” Carly admonished.

“What were you doing wearing her dress?” Lance asked.

“It was pretty!” Adam defended himself.

“Hey baby…drop that zero and get with the hero. In other words…you better come with me,” Pietro said.

“My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to,” Jaye continued.

“Nuts to the left of me, nuts to the right of me, and not a shrink in sight,” Lance groaned.

“Shh,” Xi told him. “This is interesting.”

“You would think so.”

“There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn’t go by myself,” Carly took her turn.

“This is a test of the emergency pick up line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pick up line.”

“Pietro…that one was lame, even for you,” Wanda informed him.

“My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.”

“Another tourist?” Althea asked.

“Yep. That one hit on Mahandra. It was hilarious.”

“Good day for weather.”

“Carly, that is the worst one yet.”

“You’re telling me. My mom fell for that one!”

“Which boyfriend was it?” Althea asked with a roll of her eyes.

“Your father.”

“I’m sorry I asked.”

“Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?” Pietro asked.

“Aww, are you getting tired, Pietro?” Fred asked. “That one is the oldest one around.”

“Yeah, but it’s a good one to put on the list anyway.”

“If I followed you home, would you keep me?” Jaye cringed. “My brother used that one on a girl once. I was so embarrassed.”

“Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!”

“Your daddy must have been a baker, ‘cause you’ve got a nice set of buns.”

“Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I’m lost at sea.” Carly gave a small smile. “That one sounds perfect for Shipwreck.”

“Well don’t tell him that one!” Althea ordered.

“Your name must be Mickey because you’re so fine.”

“I love that one!” Carly said with a grin. Immediately she and Jaye burst into song. “Hey Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!”

“I think Psyche-Out needs to schedule more sessions with you guys,” Todd said with an amused smile.

“Let’s make like a fabric softener and Snuggle,” Jaye grinned.

“I’m here now. What were your other two wishes?”

“That one sounds like one of Pietro’s,” Xi observed.

“It is. He used it the other day at the mall.”

“Hey! No stealing!” Pietro pouted. “If I said you were sexy, would you hold your body against me?”

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

“What in the world are you guys doing?” Roadblock asked, looking at them all as if they were nuts.

“We were just working on an assignment,” Jaye said quickly. “This one is ‘What Does Shipwreck Do Wrong?’ We come up with pickup lines that Shipwreck may have used or would be in his character to use. This will hopefully teach everyone how to not be like Shipwreck.”

“While it’s a good lesson, I don’t think it’s acceptable to be doing while in History class.”

“All right, Roadblock,” they chorused.

“Oh, and guys?” Roadblock paused on his way out the door. “All this could be yours for one low, low price!”

The End

A Little Family Bonding

2006-08-10T15:38:28Z

Story Title: A Little Family Bonding
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: Shipwreck and Roxie decide to invite their kids on their date. Good idea or bad? You decide.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Little Family Bonding

“I don’t want to go.”

“You’re going to go and you’re going to like it, young lady!”

“But I don’t want to!”

“Carly!” Althea yelled. “You’re going if I have to knock you over the head and throw you in a sack!”

“Hey, do that. It sounds interesting,” Pietro laughed. “Do that!”

“Shut up Pietro!” both girls yelled.

“Look, Carly,” Althea continued in a softer tone of voice. “My father and your mother are dating whether we want them to or not. We just have to grin and bear it for as long as they’re together. They want to have a ‘family dinner’ with us and we have to.”

“Why?” the feral asked with a growl.

“Because they want us to,” the other girl snapped. “Look at it this way. If we go with them, they won’t be alone and therefore won’t be creating another little brother or sister for us.”

“I’ll be ready in five minutes,” Carly eagerly agreed.

“Aww, that was depressing!” Pietro stated. “There was no action.”

“Why did I agree to let you come along?” Althea rolled her eyes and left Pietro standing alone in Beach Head’s living room.

“She’s coming,” Althea informed her father. “She’ll be here soon.”

“Good,” Shipwreck grinned. “We’ll be going to her mother’s favorite place.”

“Where, the corner bar?” Carly asked as she entered the room.

“Don’t be so snippy,” he replied. “Everybody ready?”

Althea and Carly picked up the babies and they were ready to go.

“Buy me something!” Adam called out from the other room as the group teleported away.

“Your mother’s favorite place is McDonalds?” Althea asked.

“What can I say? We’re cheap,” Carly shrugged. “Besides, they make the best fries.”

“It’s so good to see you again my little Peach Dumpling,” Roxie said, giving her daughter a big hug.

“Yeah, isn’t it though? Can we please eat and get this over with?” Carly asked desperately. “Ouch! Althea! You kicked me!”

“Be nice,” the other girl hissed.

“Fine!”

A short time later they had their food and were sitting at a table near the play place where the younger kids could play.

“I’m so glad y’all decided to join us,” Roxie told the two eldest girls in her possibly fake Southern drawl.

“It was our pleasure, Ms. Shane,” Althea answered before Carly could complain. She turned and whispered to the sullen feral, “This won’t be that bad, really. It’s just eating and watching the babies and the triplets play.”

“I think you’re speaking a bit too soon,” Carly replied with an embarrassed look on her face. “We can’t let my mom turn around.”

“Why not?”

“One of her ex-boyfriends just entered with the woman he dumped her for.”

“What are you two whispering about over there?” Shipwreck asked suspiciously. They looked like they were up to something.

“Nothing,” they answered in unison, just as Roxie turned round to see what they were looking at.

“Why that lowdown, dirty, scum sucking pig!” she growled. “I hate him. I really do.”

“But you’re with someone much better than him now, Mama,” Carly pointed out desperately. “Remember that. You can be the bigger person and, you know, not beat him to a pulp.”

“You’re right, dear. Hector here is much better than Lonny.”

“Nice one,” Althea whispered.

“Thank y—oh, you have got to be kidding me! Another one!”

“Another ex-boyfriend?”

“What are the odds?” Carly hissed before continuing in a louder voice, “Remember, Mama, Hector is much better than Lonny and Derek.”

“What makes you bring up Derek, sweetie?” Roxie asked, looking behind her once again. “That lousy, effeminate, jackass!”

“That’s the one who dumped you for another man, isn’t it?” Shipwreck asked, studying Derek.

“That’d be the one,” Carly answered. “The one even little Beak could snap like a twig.” She turned to Althea. “You know, I really think that he and Pietro would get along well.”

“I’m bigger than him, I have a better man, too,” Roxie sniffed, turning back to their meal.

Ten minutes later, Althea and Carly both looked about ready to cry as yet another man entered the fast food restaurant.

“Let me guess,” Althea said slowly and quietly, “that’s another one?”

“What can I say?” Carly shrugged sheepishly. “My mother got around.”

“That makes the tenth one!”

“Make that eleven,” Carly smirked.

“I wish I had stayed home. So you’re saying they all dumped your mother?”

“Yes. They all broke her heart. Just as soon as it was healed, another one would come along and break it,” Carly whispered angrily. “I really hate them.” She turned to her mother and Shipwreck. “Excuse me, I’m going to go check on the little ones.”

“I’ll go with her,” Althea said, hastily following her friend…past her siblings and to the ball pit. “What are you doing?”

“Getting ammo.” Carly grabbed an armful of the plastic balls and set them in a pile next to the door of the play place. She made more trips until she had a good-sized pile of balls ready and waiting.

By now she had caught the attention of the triplets and the babies, who stood behind her, next to Althea, watching what she was about to do. “It’s been a while since I’ve played softball, but I was always a pretty good pitcher,” Carly commented softly as she began to stretch. Finally she wound up and pitched the ball straight at Number 5’s head. “Bulls eye!” She lobbed a few more at the various guys around the restaurant.

“Carly!” Roxie admonished as she stood up, glaring at her daughter.

“Roxie! Would you keep that brat of yours under control?” Lonny yelled angrily.

“Brat? Carly, give me one of them,” the elder Shane woman huffed, holding her hand out for a ball. As soon as it was in her hand it was flying at Number 1, scoring a direct hit to the center of his forehead. “No one calls my Baby Doll a brat and gets away with it, you pig!”

It was all out war. Everyone in the restaurant was throwing plastic balls at the other side of the restaurant: the Misfits and Roxie against the Exes. The restaurant workers all ran out the back door, screaming, avoiding the painful dodge ball game.

*****

“We’re home!” an extremely chipper Carly called out the moment they teleported back to Misfit Manor. “And we come bearing fries!”

The others stood stunned, staring at the slightly bruised people before them.

“What happened to you?” Low Light asked, trying to suppress a laugh and miserably failing.

“We ran into some of Roxie’s ex-boyfriends and got in a fight,” Shipwreck explained. “That was fun, we’ll have to do it again.”

“Yes, we will,” Carly agreed with a broad grin.

“That was horrible! We’re banned from McDonalds! I’m never going out with you guys again!” Althea moaned as she started up the stairs. She turned back to Carly, with a small smile. “But you and your mom sure can throw. I don’t think you missed a single one of her exes.”

The End

The Usual Suspects

2006-08-10T15:34:35Z

Story Title: The Usual Suspects
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: G
Summary: The Misfits get together to play a new and improved version of a beloved game.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

The Usual Suspects

"I'm scared," Lance stated from his position on the couch, where he was staring at the door.

"It's just a door, Lance. You know it's not going to jump out and attack you," Pietro laughed.

Lance turned his glare to the speed demon. "I'm talking about Carly."

"Yeah, she is scary."

"Hasn't anyone else noticed that she hasn't been around lately? I mean, other than in class and during training. She's been conspicuously absent."

"She's been going around stealing wood and paper," Adam explained as though that explained it all. Which, judging from the looks he was receiving, did anything but. "Well, she has!"

"But why is she?" Wanda asked.

"She's Carly," Adam shrugged.

"She's not trying to make something explode again, is she?" Althea questioned. "There's still a big hole in the kitchen from the Popcorn Turkeys."

"She could be. I didn't ask."

"That's real helpful," Wanda smirked.

They all turned to the door as Carly came bouncing in, a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

"I've finally finished it! You have to come see it!" she demanded ecstatically. "You'll just love it!"

"Now I'm scared," Todd mumbled softly as they followed the possibly insane feral.

She led them to the apartment she shared with Beach Head and gestured to the dining room table.

"What is that?" Fred asked, studying the wooden board from a safe distance.

"Clue a la Misfits," Carly answered proudly. "A week or two ago I got to thinking about the game and how there's almost too many of us to play. That's when I came up with the idea. Go on, take a look!"

Cautiously the group approached the large, bizarre creation and saw that it was indeed a Clue game board. An altered, handmade Clue game board. Along with the usual rooms from the regular game and the extra rooms from the Master Detective game, there was a bathroom and a few other rooms such as a med room, a pantry, and a coat closet.

"A coat closet? How can you kill someone in there?" Xi asked.

"Wire hangers," Carly explained. "I was going to make it three-dimensional, but I figured the walls would get in our way. Do you want to play a round?"

"So you made a new game board? That's what you've been doing?" Wanda asked, a confused look on her face.

"No, that's not all. Have a seat! I'll get the rest."

The group did as she said as she got out a shoebox from the kitchen counter. "I also have these." She handed each person a wooden playing piece. Each one got an exact replica of themselves.

"Now I really can be in the game!" Fred laughed.

"I'm so handsome!" Pietro boasted.

"Maybe now the annoying conversations about the bathroom will finally end," Lance stated hopefully.

"Did you make all these?" Althea asked. "I'm impressed."

"Yep. And those aren't all," Carly grinned as she took out some more playing pieces. There were the Triplets, Baby Beak and Claudius, all the Misfit adults as well as the X-Adults and all of the X-Men.

"You were very busy, weren't you?"

"Not really," Carly shrugged. "I also made these." She pulled out little replicas of weapons including the weapons from both the original game, the extra ones from Master Detective, and some new ones for the newly added rooms, such as a hangar and a bathtub with blue painting on the inside of the tub.

"For drowning?" Todd asked.

"Yep. But it can only be used in the bathroom. The little sink can be used in the bathroom and the kitchen. Also the Fountain, since that has water and I haven't been able to correctly replicate the fountain. I also painted these," she said showing them the suspect, weapon, and room cards. "I also made up a couple new rules."

"Do we want to know?" Wanda whined.

"You might. I think you'll like them. Before we begin, we shuffle these cards and someone pulls out one. That is the victim," Carly answered, showing them another set of cards. "So no one feels bad about being a victim, I made one for everyone." Sure enough there was a card for everyone who was on a playing piece as well as some others, such as Kelly, Magneto, and Mystique.

"What's the other new rule?" Althea asked, rolling her eyes at the delighted look Wanda had in her eyes at seeing her father's victim card.

"At the end someone has to come up with a motive. You now, just for fun. If the person who did it isn't playing the game, anyone can come up with one. If the guilty party is playing the game, only they can come up with it."

"That sounds simple enough," Lance conceded.

"So, do you want to play?"

"Why not?" everyone chorused.

*****

Thirty Minutes Later…

"I was framed!" Lance yelled angrily. "There is no way I would kill Kitty! Tin Grin framed me!"

"Lance, you had to have done it. That's what the cards say!" Todd argued. "Face it, you murdered Kitty. Now why did you?"

"I didn't! I would never!"

"Kitty probably chose Colossus over him and it sent him into a rage," Pietro smirked.

"Or it was temporary insanity. The Coyote did it," Adam laughed.

"The Coyote probably did do it," Xi commented.

"I didn't kill Kitty and neither did the Coyote! I was framed, I tell you, framed!"

"Tell it to the jury, murderer," Wanda grinned.

"Just when I thought this game couldn't get any worse, this happens," Lance groaned. "I really hate this game."

The End

A Very Special Day

2006-08-10T15:29:00Z

Story Title: A Very Special Day
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: G
Summary: Todd and Fred were on the internet again, what did they find this time?
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Very Special Day

It was a normal day off at Misfit Manor. Everyone was just sitting around and hanging out. Lance was talking to Kitty on the phone. Althea, Xi, Wanda, and Carly were watching TV. Adam and Pietro were giving themselves spa treatments. The Triplets were standing in the corner trying to rewire a rocket launcher and turn it into a shaving cream gun. And Todd and Fred were, not surprisingly, sitting at the computer reading multitudes of emails.

“Hey guys! You’ll never believe what day it is, yo!” Todd called out as he hopped into the living room with a computer print out in his hand. Fred followed behind him happily.

“What is it now?” Lance groaned as he hung up the phone. One never knew what to expect after Fred and Todd were on the computer.

“Pietro! Adam! Get in here! You need to hear this!” Fred yelled.

“You have two minutes,” Pietro grumbled. “What is it?”

“Today is International Hug Your Favorite Fan Fic Author Day,” Todd announced.

“What does that have to do with us?” Wanda asked.

“I say it’s time we give someone some hugs!”

“I’m not hugging you.”

“Not me. I have another Witch in mind,” Todd replied.

“It’s someone who allows us to have a lot more fun and get into many more fights,” Fred explained.

“Not to mention allows us to meet the most interesting people,” Todd continued.

“I wouldn’t say interesting so much as insane,” Lance said.

“Insane is interesting,” Althea pointed out. “As well as much more humorous.”

“Right, Cuddlebumps,” Todd grinned. “So I say it’s time that we give Red Witch her long overdue hug! We love her!”

“Speak for yourself,” Pietro grumbled. “She doesn’t do enough with me.”

“You’re lucky she even let’s you in her fics,” Xi replied. “You’re just too difficult to write for.”

“You’re right. I’m much more complex than any of you,” the white haired speed demon said happily to himself.

“What?” Xi asked innocently upon noticing everyone else looking at him like he’d grown a second head. “It got him to stop whining!”

“Whatever works,” Trinity said.

“Okay, you guys have a point,” Carly agreed.

“She does seem to make us all a lot more interesting,” Lance added.

“She comes up with the best plots,” Fred continued.

“And she also comes up with the best ways to torture the X-Geeks,” Pietro laughed.

“Yes, she’s really a wonderful author,” Althea agreed. “The greatest.”

“So, Todd, what do you propose we do?” Adam asked.

“It’s really quite simple,” Todd said, gesturing everyone closer.

Everyone got into a huddle and began to whisper to each other, occasionally getting into tiny little arguments before they were actually able to come to an accord.

“So we’re agreed? Good. All together, everyone,” Todd ordered with a wide grin.

“WE LOVE YOU RED WITCH!”

The End

*Yep, today is “Hug Your Favorite Fan Fic Author Day.” At least that’s according to the email I got today (which is included below.) And that inspired me to hug Red Witch in a special (and slightly insane) way. Wow…that made me sound like a stalker. Sorry ‘bout that! Anyway, Red Witch, consider yourself hugged.

From: Trixx
To: Mailing List
Date: Saturday, April 24, 2004
Subject: Hug your favorite fanfic author day!

Posted on behalf of Tara Keezer. I encourage everyone to take part. If you read and don't write fanfic, take a day to start.

~*~*~

A few days ago, I put a note on my LJ to the effect that I thought this coming Saturday, April 24, would be an excellent time to declare "International Hug Your Favorite Fan Fiction Authors" day. A few people agreed with me, so here I am, pimping the notion to a larger audience.

If you've never written to your favorite fan fiction authors to let them know you enjoy their work, take the time to do so on Saturday. Your note doesn't have to be anything fancier than, "Heya! Just wanted to let you know I read everything you put out there. My favorite stories of yours are ..." It will let the writers you like know that you appreciate the effort they put into the stories they post.

Also, if you belong to fiction lists in other fandoms, ask permission of the list mom to spread the word there as well.

Tara

A Week From the Journal of Xi

2006-08-10T15:25:36Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Xi
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's time to find out what Xi writes about in his journal.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Xi

Sunday:

They say that vicious Central American werewolves are coming up from Mexico with a new breed of killer bees. It’s estimated that they’ll be here soon. Actually, I think they’re overdue. The papers that first reported this came out in the late eighties/early nineties and said that they’d be here in ten years, which would make them a few years late. I wonder if it’s immigration that’s holding them up. They’re probably sent back across the Rio Grande the moment they reach American soil and they have to keep trying to sneak in. Roadblock says that everything put in tabloids isn’t true and that the werewolves and bees aren’t coming. But I know better. They’re late, but they’re coming. And I’m going to be ready for them. I am Xi: The WereBee-inator!

Monday:

They haven’t arrived yet, but they will. Trinity helped me sneak off to Wal-Mart so I could build up my arsenal. I cleaned out the entire supply of bug sprays. I also got some bows and arrows and all the sterling silver jewelry in the joint. I have the Yard Guard ready and waiting. The Triplets are turning the jewelry into arrowheads. Silver is the only thing that will kill werewolves, you know. I’m cutting the heads of the arrows so I can turn them into my werewolf killers. As payment for their help, I also got the Triplets some paintball guns and some paintballs. I don’t know what they wanted them for, but maybe it’s better I don’t know.

Tuesday:

Jaye is teaching a new unit in class. Musical Theater merged with World Religions class. I think she just didn’t want to teach today so she popped in a movie. I think it was a mistake. Something in Nunsense made Carly very happy. She’s up to something. But what? I wonder if she’s going to become a nun. The Bees and Wolves haven’t made it here yet. I’m going to start attaching the arrowheads to the feathered part tonight. By morning I’ll be completely ready for their arrival. The Triplets took apart the paintball guns and put them back together to create one giant paintball gun. I don’t want to know whom they’re going to attack with that thing. I’d also hate to see the size of the paintball that that thing takes. It would probably flatten Andre the Giant.

Wednesday:

They haven’t come yet, but they will. Carly hasn’t done what she’s going to do yet. The Triplets haven’t bombarded anyone yet, either, but I’m sure they’re going to use that giant gun on someone. Probably Beach Head. Or maybe the X-Geeks. I really don’t want to know. Roadblock still doesn’t think that the Wolves and Bees are coming. When they get here, he’ll be glad I got ready for them. I’ll protect him and won’t hold his denial against him. After all, who wants to believe that killer dogs and insects are coming to destroy us all? I’ll protect everyone. Except for, maybe, the X-Geeks and Beach Head.

Thursday:

Still not here. But I’ll still remain ready for them. Carly upset Lifeline again and now she has KP Duty for the next week. She looked awfully happy to be assigned her punishment. It’s probably part of her plan. Either that or she just likes helping B.A. cook...I think it’s the first thing I said. She’s up to something. We’ve now watched Fiddler on the Roof and Jesus Christ Superstar. I think Jaye might have Nunsense 2 planned for tomorrow. But I’m not sure if we’ll get to watch it. Roadblock, Cover Girl, and the others don’t seem too happy that we’re watching movies instead of learning anything. So tomorrow Jaye may actually have to teach. The Triplets had their gigantic gun taken from them by Shipwreck and Althea. They’ll probably steal it back by tomorrow night. They know where all the hiding places are. Both here and at the X-Mansion. And Cobra Headquarters. Come to think of it, they pretty much know every hiding place everywhere.

Friday:

Nothing yet. On all fronts. Carly hasn’t done anything yet; neither have the Triplets, or those annoyingly late Wolves and Bees. But I think the Bees are coming closer. I’ve heard quite a bit of buzzing lately and it seems to be getting louder. Maybe the Wolves couldn’t make it across. The Triplets did steal their gun back as I knew they would. Carly borrowed Jaye’s copy of Nunsense to watch tonight so I know she’s going to be doing something. I scared to find out what it is. Jaye didn’t stop with the movies. Today she had us watch Guys and Dolls. She said that to some gambling is a religion and that the missionary also counts as religion. Roadblock said that she needs to get back to real class work on Monday.

Saturday:

Bad day. Today was a bad, bad day. It started off this morning, shortly before noon, when I was doing my morning patrol for the Wolves and Bees. I overheard Carly talking to B.A. about the menu for later. I had paused to wonder why it sounded familiar. (Turkey Stuffing a la Marsha Lewis: 1 package of regular stuffing mix, 1 minced onion, 1 cup of un-popped popcorn. Mix it all together. Stuff it in your bird. Put your bird in the oven. 400 degrees. When his ass blows off he’s done.) I quickly got back to my patrol. I ran across the triplets aiming their gun at General Hawk’s office building. They painted it all with one big paintball. And also blew a hole in the wall and got some of the inside painted. I went back to my patrol, not wanting to get blamed with Trinity. That’s when I heard it. The Buzzing. A loud buzzing. The Bees finally made it. They made a hive to live in before attacking so I figured I could get them all at the same time. I pulled out my Yard Guard and was about to spray, but they sensed I was there...and attacked. There were so many of them that I couldn’t really get them with the bug spray so I ran away. They chased me all over the base until the wall of the mess hall kitchen exploded. I don’t think Carly’s going to be allowed in the kitchen for quite some time. Anyway, the blast scared away the bees. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, in addition to the hundreds of stings I got, some debris hit me. Now I look like moldy cottage cheese. Today was just a bad, bad day. Stupid bees. At least I’m the sane one on this base.

A Week From the Journal of Toad

2006-08-10T15:20:10Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Toad
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: As Todd Tolensky writes in his journal, we learn that he has problems, too.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Toad

Sunday:

Because of our vacation, group therapy was rescheduled until tomorrow. And Jaye hasn’t returned from her vacation to Niagara Falls yet, so we pretty much got an extra day of vacation, despite being back home at the pit now. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to pull Shipwreck and Roxie from each other. But General Hawk doesn’t want Roxie to come to the Pit unless he’s sure that she and Shipwreck are going to last a while. I hope they do, even if Carly is freaking out about it. Who cares which of them is more insane, the point is they’re both nuts and don’t mind that the other is. It was just sheer luck that neither the cops nor the loony bin people wanted to mess with the two lovebirds. Psyche-Out learned all about what happened while we were away and the group therapy is now super sized. We have to spend all morning with him, but that’s not so bad. He’s a cool guy. Even if he does have weird exercises to get us and the X-Geeks to become friends. I also think that we may need this therapy. Most of us have gotten over the police visit, but it’s going to take a lot more work for Adam and Pietro to get over it. But I think that’s just because they were nearly arrested for indecent exposure…that is until the cops realized that the two weren’t out in public…they were in the privacy of their own home. I think I agree with the police, though. We didn’t need to see that. Why were they waxing themselves? Couldn’t they do that when, I don’t know, no one else was within a hundred mile radius? I’ll never get the image out of my head. If I have nightmares tonight, I’m definitely going to go to Xavier and beg him to erase that memory.

Monday:

The good news is that there weren’t nightmares last night. The bad news is that now my Cuddlebumps is upset with me (so are Carly and Wanda, come to think of it.) How was I supposed to know that when Psyche-Out asks what you dreamt the previous night you’re supposed to lie? There should be some sort of Therapy Guidebook! This morning is still vivid in my mind. Psyche asked us if any of us would care to tell everyone what we dreamed the night before and, since I had an interesting dream, I raised my hand. That was the worst mistake of my life, by far. Last night I dreamed that Cobra invaded the Pit. That’s not an uncommon thing, right? What was strange is that the girls were in charge (not that they shouldn’t be, but everyone else was missing…everyone except for me, Althea, Wanda, and Carly.) So the girls kicked terrorist butt. I really should have stopped talking there. It’s what happened next that got me in trouble. I told them that the attack wasn’t a real attack, but a realistic computer training program (much better than the Danger Room.) No…that’s where I should have stopped. They didn’t need to know that the dream then moved on to the girls in the locker room. With very, very little clothing and girly touching. Yes, not the worst dream I ever had. Or maybe it was because I was later asked about it. I don’t think my Cuddlebumps is ever going to speak to me again. I also think that Beach Head wants to beat me up for the naughty dream. Actually, so do the other guys…they’re mad they didn’t have them. On the bright side, that got the girls angry with them, too. So at least I’m not alone. The only ones the girls aren’t mad at were Xi and Adam. Oh, I wish I were one of them right now.

Tuesday:

I think I made another mistake. After apologizing to my darling Althea millions of times today, she still won’t forgive me. So I asked Lance for his help. After all, who among us knows more about apologizing and begging forgiveness than him? I shouldn’t have asked him for help, though. He has this elaborate scheme involving a suit of armor and Barry Manilow. I think Lifeline has been a bad influence on him. We’ll be doing his plan tomorrow. I hope it works. I love my luscious Cuddlebumps. I can’t be held accountable for what my brain does when I’m sleeping! I can’t even be held responsible for it during the day!

Wednesday:

I hate Lance. His plan didn’t work. It just got me embarrassed. The armor didn’t fit, I ran into a lot of things when the helmet wouldn’t open, and then, in the classroom, I tripped over my own feet and flew right out of the armor pants. To make it all worse, Pietro got me to admit that I had the dream again. The girls overheard that (I don’t know why they wouldn’t have…we were in the classroom at the time and it got Jaye to laughing hard enough that class was dismissed early. Adults are bad, bad people.) I’m in even more trouble with them now. And you have no idea just how much worse Wanda’s hexbolts feel when they’re being conducted through metal. My Cuddlebumps is never going to forgive me, is she? It’s time to go to someone else for help.

Thursday:

Remind me why I went to Cyke for help. Someone needs to remind me right now. I should know that anything told to him goes to everyone else (and the Misfits by extension, but they’re not important to this story.) The point is, everyone now thinks that I’m a pervert that is too pathetic to be forgiven. I’m not! Honest I’m not! I just have a very bad brain. But Cyke did agree to help me (I think it’s because he may have had bad dreams himself. Note to self: ask him about that sometime.) He directed me to this great catering service so I can plan an elaborate apology dinner for Althea. He also told me of this florist that sells exotic flowers. I hope this works. I have everything set up for tomorrow night. I’ll be taking Althea to a romantic little spot in Central Park (a spot Angel told me about. That guy’s not half bad.) I hope everything goes all right. I talked Xavier and Roadblock into helping me with romantic music. They said they’d each have a list of good selections tomorrow. I really hope everything goes well.

Friday:

Note to Self: Never have another romantic dinner using suggestions from the X-Geeks. Never, never, ever! Or have a romantic dinner outside. I think I was finally beginning to win my Cuddlebumps over, but then there was a freak rainstorm that ruined it all. Maybe Murphy’s Law is a real thing. At least in a mutant’s case. I seem to have a lot of bad luck. The other Misfits and even the X-Geeks, too. We came back to the Pit all wet and were immediately laughed at. Actually, I think the laughing was more at me than at Al, but she got upset anyway. How many times do I have to apologize? Doesn’t she know that I feel horrible about this? That I’d take it back if I could? She wouldn’t even take me up on my offer to have Xavier wipe it from my mind. Man, I wish I could go do that. I would go do it anyway, except I think it would make Al madder. And I don’t much trust Xavier not to make me go through the rest of my life thinking I’m a ten-year-old girl. I wouldn’t put it past him.

Saturday:

My girlfriend is just evil. But she’s my girl and I love her! She finally forgave me! She had to get back at me first, but she did forgive me! I was minding my own business this afternoon, moping and trying to think of ways to make it up to her when I walked past her room. I glanced in and was convinced that I was hallucinating. Inside the room, Althea, Wanda, and Carly were acting out a rather PG and fully clothed version of my dream. I think I proved to her that I was really apologetic because I let out a Pietro-like scream and ran away. I never knew someone could scream as girly as Pietro (not even an actual girl) but it turns out that it’s easier than one would expect. She finally forgave me. I hope nothing like this ever happens again. In dream state or real life. I don’t ever want to make that sound again. Pietro can keep those noises all to himself. Tomorrow I have another wonderful romantic dinner planned. This one will go better, I’m sure of it. I love my life!

A Week From the Journal of Catra

2006-08-10T15:17:13Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Catra
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: Continuing Shipwreck's new romance, and the journal excerpts, is Carly. Just how well is she handling her mother dating Shipwreck? If you don't know, then you don't know Carly!
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Catra

Sunday:

My mom can’t date Shipwreck! It’s just…wrong! On so many levels! He deserves someone less…nuts! I’m not worried about him so much as her. He’s a nice man. He’s a bit loony, but I like him. Not that I don’t love my mom, I do. But I’ve known her all the eighteen years I’ve been alive. And in all that time she’s had six husbands and countless more boyfriends. So you see why I have a problem with this relationship. My mother has commitment problems. Shipwreck needs someone stable, someone who can make him happy…someone who can last. He’s already been traumatized by one lousy ex-wife, the whole family has been. They don’t need another one. I like them. Althea seems to be concerned about the same thing as me…only reversed. She thinks that her father is too insane for my mother. Boy does she not get it or what? And you know who’s really getting a kick out of all this? Everyone who isn’t Al, Shipwreck, Mama, and me! Fred keeps referring to Beach Head as “Sorta-Uncle Beach Head.” He has some weird theory that everyone will be related (whether by blood or by sharing guardian status or something) if Mama and Shipwreck marry. I’m convinced: Everyone I know is insane! I’m torn. Should I let this thing run it’s natural course or should I do the caring daughterly thing and break them up?

Monday:

Okay, I’m choosing option two. The babies are getting attached. I had a talk with my mother, voiced my concerns…and now she’s mad at me. I think it was my line about “insane, non-committal, finicky, bar-hopper” that insulted her. Can I help it if I speak the truth? Maybe I should talk to Shipwreck about this. I’ve talked to Daddy Beach Head and you know what? He thought I was making funnies. I don’t think he properly understands my complaints. No one does. Except Althea…only, as I said, for her they’re reversed. I wonder if anyone else here would be willing to help me. Fred likes this situation too much to help me. Adam loves both my mother and Shipwreck so he’s a no. Lance…too hung up on Kitty. Pietro…he may help, but he drives me nuts. Keeps coming after me with scissors and hair dye. Note to self: Smack Adam for his little ‘Queer Eye for the Feral’ endeavor of his. So far I have no help. The Triplets may…but they have my mother wrapped around their little fingers so they probably won’t. Xi might help if I ask really nicely. Same with Althea, I hope. Of course, I should come up with a plan first. Why oh why can’t I come up with a great plan like Clue’s Wadsworth? Oh, wait…he got himself killed…

Tuesday:

Aren’t parallel universes supposed to have brain-eating zombies or something? Oh, wait…Pietro could fit the zombie part. Except he’s brain numbing and not brain-eating. What I really want to know is when in the world did I get sucked into a parallel universe? You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen all the grown men you know and live with watching a marathon of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in hopes of making themselves better men. What’s scarier is that Shipwreck willingly asked for Adam and Pietro to give him a makeover. At least that’s the story that was told to us girls when we got back from the Female Bonding Session we had to have over at the mall. All I have to say is that they’re lucky we got back when we did. They were about to talk Shipwreck into a perm! That man does not need to look like a poodle. But the good news is that I have created a plan: The feeding of some true stories and some misinformation. Yes, sir, it’s time to send Pee-Wee to the Alamo.

Wednesday:

Not only is this a parallel universe, this is a parallel universe that’s stuck in the eighteen hundreds. Shipwreck came up to me today and said: “I would like to tell you of my intentions toward your mother.” When did HE become so formal? It’s freaky! He wants a long dating period, then he’ll pop the question, be engaged for a year (and living together most of that year so they’ll know if they can actually live together) then get married and we’ll all be one happy family. Have you ever seen that episode of The Golden Girls? I think it was the finale…Blanche’s uncle Lucas comes to town and she has a date so she sets up Lucas and Dorothy. They find out that neither wanted to go on the date and exact revenge on Blanche by pretending to get engaged after just one date. This whole ordeal reminds me of that, only…this may not be a joke. I can’t think of anything that I did that could provoke this kind of practical joke. Well, that doesn’t involve Lifeline in some way. Whoa…this was all set up by him! I’m sure of it! I am going to get him back for this!

Thursday:

Lifeline didn’t plan this. I went back to the base for a few minutes to make sure. I know he was telling the truth, I didn’t sense any nervousness or glee that I was getting what I deserved. In fact, he seemed rather disturbed. I think he’s afraid that Mama is going to get him for “picking on me” during the feud (even though I, technically, started it, I think.) I told him I’d make sure Mama didn’t do anything to him. I think our feud is now over. We made peace. I promised him that I wouldn’t pry into his life, he promised that he wouldn’t get upset if Bree gave the information to me without my asking, and he also opened the doors to all my illnesses…next time I get any, that is. But I had to get back to the vacation and back to the reality that this isn’t a joke that Lifeline orchestrated. Oh, boy. This could still be a big joke, right? Just in case it wasn’t, I directed Pee-Wee to the Alamo. I told Mama about life at the Pit and the X-Geeks and a few tiny misdirections. And I told Shipwreck what Mama was like (all the stories about the husbands and boyfriends) as well as a few made up stories (one involving a hot dog, ketchup, and mustard cake. Hey, if that soap opera Passions can make a tomato soup cake, I can make one that you can take out to the ballpark!)

Friday:

Repression is a good thing, especially after some of the things I learned today. Mama and Shipwreck actually talk. They cleared up my misdirections. What’s really scary is that the cake I made up was real; I’d just repressed the memory. At least now I remember why I originally stopped eating hot dogs. The bad thing about that is that now everyone thinks that neither my Mama nor myself can cook. We can cook...we just don’t always have the best ideas for edible inventions. To prove them wrong, we made supper. I think we may have given them food poisoning again. One of us did. It was either her pasta dish or my dessert. Neither of us really wants to know who poisoned our friends. We’re never going to be allowed to cook again. That should make me sad, shouldn’t it? Oh well, this just means no ucky cake. I’m also grounded for the next two weeks for my little lies (though Beach Head said that no one needs to know that when we’re back home I’m off grounding.) All I know that everyone is getting sick of my little antics. Let’s see, I’ve done the story thing, some embarrassing pictures, a few snarky comments (Beach Head said to try that as a last ditch effort,) and even forced a karaoke night in hopes that one or the other would sing so badly they’d have to dump each other. Nothing is working! And I’m running out of ideas! I’m about to throw in the towel and say that if they want to ruin each other’s lives, they can just go ahead. But I’ll tell you one thing: I’m staying with Beach Head. They can’t make me leave his place. Heck, HE can’t even make me leave his place!

Saturday:

I think I want to throw a temper tantrum. No, I know I’d like to throw a temper tantrum. I know Mama and Adam are expecting me to throw a temper tantrum…and if they weren’t expecting it, I’d definitely throw one. Today just reminds me of how much I love Beach Head. He took me home to his place! Though he might have done it either to shut me up or to get away from the lovey-dovey uckyness. So why am I so upset? Why did I ask to be taken home? Well, let me just say that everyone except for Beach Head and Althea are rather angry with me. I was just trying to protect the Delgado’s! At least my heart was in the right place. That still doesn’t explain what I did, does it? Well, I called the cops and the insane asylum to come and pick up Shipwreck and Mama. Yep, I narc’d on them. They talked their way out of it and I began screaming that they were going to ruin each other’s lives (and somehow ended up babbling something about birds, bees, and tequila shooter night—I still don’t know what that was all about.) I almost got dragged to the Macadamia Ranch, but Beach Head got everything straightened out for me. Everything will be fine once I can find a way to apologize. That really involves finding the perfect way to say “I’m sorry” and sound like I actually mean it! Oh, I’m never being forgiven. At least I still have Beach Head. And the hope that Mama will run away screaming after meeting the X-Geeks. They could scare anyone away…they actually have scared most everyone away! It’s a sad day when all of a person’s hopes are banking on a group of unpopular rejects. Oh, I’m in trouble…they’re going to make sure my Mama and Shipwreck get married and embarrass us for the rest of our lives. If that does happen, I’m moving to Jersey and changing my name to Sarah Smith. That will let me live in peace. I think I’ll agree with Fred: I need more sessions with Psyche Out and maybe some electro-shock therapy.

A Week From the Journal of Blob

2006-08-10T15:12:06Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Blob
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: G
Summary: It's now time to look at Fred's journal.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Blob

Sunday:

Psyche out got a new shipment of psychology books yesterday and let me have some of his older ones. The guys make fun of me for liking this stuff, but at least I have a hobby that makes me smarter. I would like to be a shrink just like Psyche Out. My grandma always told me that if you’re going to get a job it might as well be one that you enjoy doing. It’s good advice that I plan on taking. Ooh, look at that. Shipwreck is looking snazzy for his date tonight. He refuses to tell us anything about her. I think he’s being overly paranoid. We’re not going to do to him what he always does to Storm. We want him to be happy. But Althea told me what happened the last time he had a girlfriend and I don’t want this one to take me bra shopping.

Monday:

Pietro has an acute narcissistic disorder. He’s almost a textbook case. He fits nearly all the criteria: Authoritarian, care only about appearances, critical of others, disappointing gift-givers, envious and competitive, feel entitled, flirtatious or seductive, grandiose, hate to live alone, hyper-sensitive to criticism, impulsive… If that’s not Pietro I don’t know what is! I’m going to be great at this psychiatrist thing! I like psychoanalyzing the people. I know that Pietro is an easy one, but it still feels good to figure out why he is the way he is. I like to do this stuff. Take Lance, for example. I believe that he may be schizophrenic (since he hears his little coyote in his head.) He’s also excessively (heh, points for vocabulary boy!) depended upon Kitty. When they’re broken up he acts like she’s just tried to kill him. That’s not normal. He needs therapy. Maybe more than anyone else here. I don’t have the rest pegged yet. I’m sure I’ll get them all diagnosed at some point in time. I haven’t read enough of the books to know everything. But I can’t wait until I can. My goal is to know enough to be able to analyze everyone I know from the Misfits to the X-Geeks. The X-Geeks…now there are some messed up people!

Tuesday:

We were over at the X-Mansion today. They were surprised when Shipwreck stayed home. Truth is that he had another date with his mystery woman. Storm was acting kind of jealous. You know what I think it is? I think that she doesn’t want Shipwreck but doesn’t want anyone else to have him either. She loves the attention she got from him, even though she denies it until she’s blue in the face. What a witch. She could really learn a lesson from Althea and Toad. They appreciate and respect each other. Storm could stand to learn a little of that. She needs to learn to respect and appreciate the people around her. It also wouldn’t hurt her to defrost that giant ice pop she has lodged up her butt.

Wednesday:

I may have diagnosed Adam. It’s not entirely a mental problem, it’s partly chemical, but when you get down to it most mental disorders involve chemicals of some kind. But this still suits him. I think that he has A.D.D. Of course, the fact that he got into B.A.’s special coffee could have something to do with that diagnosis. He, Todd, Althea, and Xi had a session of what they have decided to call “Coffee Club.” You never want those four to be hyper all at the same time. I overheard Hawk and Roadblock saying that it would take at least two weeks to repair the destruction that they created. They wrecked a lot. Well, except for a wall in the boys bathroom. I tripped and knocked a hole in it. But that’s all the destruction that I did and even that was an accident. I’m not the one who blew up the target range. I’m also not the one that turned it into a mud pit. I envy those guys their teamwork. Too bad they have to be clinically insane to achieve it.

Thursday:

Lance and Kitty are through again. We paid another visit to the X-Mansion. Storm is acting openly hostile now. Not that she hasn’t always, but more than usual this time. It all boils down to the lack of attention she’s getting from Shipwreck. We pointed out that he’d still be there if she would have appreciated it him and not taken him for granted. Then Kitty got into it and somehow we all ended up in a fight about whether or not Storm has a little thing for Shipwreck. Oh, great. Lance just got into Pietro’s country music collection. If I have to hear him play “Your Cheating Heart” one more time, I’m going to break in there and smash that stupid CD! From what I’m hearing from the others, they echo my sentiments. I hope this breakup doesn’t last long. If it does, I may be forced to hurt my coyote-seeing friend. On the successful relationship side of this household, Shipwreck finally told us the name of his Mystery Girl. Her name is Roxie. And you know what’s even better? We finally get to meet her. Althea is very nervous about that. Anyway, tomorrow night we’re going to stay over in a rented house. After all, you can’t exactly bring a civilian to a secret military base. Well, unless you contract them to work with us, but you know what I mean. Anyway, we’re staying over the weekend and on Saturday we get to meet his girlfriend. And she gets to meet all of us. Adults and kids. Do you think she knows what to expect from us? I hope we don’t scare her away.

Friday:

This house is amazing! We all get our own room and there’s a pool and there has even been no fights! I know, it’s amazing! You would have thought that Beach Head would have yelled at us many times by now. I wonder if he was given a sedative. He usually has a rectal ice pop to rival even Storm’s. I think that both Althea and Shipwreck are about to have panic attacks. Althea is afraid that her dad is going to embarrass her and Shipwreck is afraid that we’re all going to embarrass him. I wonder if Psyche Out would mind coming over here quick and talk them through this. I haven’t gotten to the panic disorders yet. And I don’t want to get sued for malpractice. I’m not insured for it yet.

Saturday:

You know how in old movies there were sometimes these ladies who would ‘get the vapors’ and faint all graceful like? Well, Althea and Carly did that today. Only they didn’t do it all that gracefully. They hit the floor like sacks of potatoes. I’m sure you want to know what happened, don’t you? It was really good. Everything was going well this morning. We kept the house clean, we dressed up, did everything we could so we wouldn’t scare this Roxie girl away. None of us want to see Shipwreck electrified by Storm again. It’s just sad when that happens. Funny...but sad and pathetic at the same time. Anyway, we fixed a nice lunch for Roxie…well, the adults did. Shipwreck refused to allow us to cook because of our track record with food poisoning. Anyway, a lovely lunch was cooked and Shipwreck got Roxie (who’s pretty…reddish hair, green eyes, southern accent) and brought her to the house and you’ll never believe what happened. Oh yeah, I already told you. Althea and Carly passed out. But do you want to know what caused it? It turns out that Shipwreck’s Roxie is Carly’s mother. Not just that but she and Shipwreck are going steady. That’s what caused the fainting. I wonder if they’re up yet. Hey, I just thought of something. If Shipwreck marries Roxie, not only will all of us be related in some way, shape, or form, but I also think that may make us related to Beach Head in a distant sort of way. Could this make our lives any more dysfunctional? And does that mean that we’ll have to be nicer to him?

A Week From the Journal of Wavedancer

2006-08-10T15:07:03Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Wavedancer
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's now time to take a look at Althea's journal as she deals with the stress of being a Delgado.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Wavedancer

Sunday:

I wonder if the courts would ever give me emancipation from my father. He’s more of a child than I am. You know there’s something wrong when the kids are the adults. Do you know what he did today? Well, we were over at the X-Mansion and he was, of course, hitting on Storm. The usual results happened and the rest of the story picks up in the X-Geeks med lab. While Beast was patching up my father, Multiple came in and told my father that Storm just left on a date. It seems she met this guy named Cam at a museum a couple weeks ago and she’s been dating him ever since. This upsets my father, of course, so what do you think he did? Come on, take your best guess. No, he didn’t throw a hissy fit. No, he didn’t follow them. What he did was contract the Triplets to construct a torture device for Cam. He’s going to torture Storm’s new boyfriend. It would be one thing if he was doing it himself, but no! He contracted my sisters, the most psychotic people ever to live! I wonder if General Hawk would ever agree to lock my father up in solitary. He is now officially a danger both to himself and to others. He is encouraging my sisters, his daughters, to use dynamite and nitroglycerin. If reincarnation is real, I really must have been Hannibal Lector in my past life. I need to cheer up. I think I’ll go pay my Toddles a visit. We can watch Wanda’s slideshow tape of Beach Head together. Or maybe he’d agree to a little love session. Yeah, I like option two better. Time to go see Toddles!

Monday:

I’m related to sociopaths. I overheard more of Operation Cam-Gone. I think my little sisters are actively plotting the poor man’s death. Not just a humiliation and slightly painful revenge. In addition to the dynamite and nitroglycerin, they also ordered a ton of marbles, rat poison, and something they’d refer to only as the piece de resistance. I should get help from the others to stop this. I want Dad to feel better, but I don’t think that Cam needs to die to get his due. You see, I have a better plan to break up Cam and Storm. I say that we find a way to hypnotize her and then make it so whenever she looks at Cam, she really sees my father. So when Cam hits on her, Storm will think it’s Dad and zap him. And that’s all it takes for everyone to be able to say Bye-bye Cam! But will they listen to the sane one in the family? No! But my Toddles is being very supportive during this trying time. He’s the only one who understands the severity of the situation! I love that man, I really do. He is the sweetest person alive. Not to mention the cutest. Have I ever told you that he has the cutest butt? I think it’s time to go pay him another visit…

Tuesday:

General Hawk reported that the base is missing a couple rocket launchers. Five will get you ten that the Triplet’s took them. Lifeline also announced that someone stole his Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond CDs. His first instincts said that Carly took them, but then he remembered that she wouldn’t go near those CDs with a ten-foot pole. So our Medic is now in a state of distress (full on crocodile tears) at the loss. You know who I think took them? That’s right, my insane sisters. This machine is going to be deadly! Explosives, rocket launchers, and BARRY MANILOW! No one deserves that kind of torture! Well, maybe my entire family (with the exception of myself and the poor innocent babies.) Threats don’t seem to deter them this time. I need some help. I have Toddy on my side, but whom else could I get?

Wednesday:

That’s the last straw! They stole Barney’s wiffle bat! They crossed a line now! He’s been crying for three straight hours and he doesn’t show any signs of stopping! How could a person be so cruel as to steal a baby’s favorite toy? Oh, look at that. He stopped. Toddles just found the bat underneath the couch. Oops, my bad. But the girls are still insane!

Thursday:

The government sucks. I called up the FBI, the CIA, and the Secret Service and they just laughed at me! How could they not take me seriously? My sisters are going to kill a man using explosives and easy listening! I bet they would have taken me seriously if I had told them that my sisters were mutants. But I’m not going to start another anti-mutant wave. There’s enough of them going on all the time anyway without this being used as propaganda. But I now have help from Xi and Adam in addition to my Toddles. Wanda said she’d help but since the machine that’s being built (whatever it is) has explosives in it, we figured that it’d be safer for all involved if she remained uninvolved. She pointed out that Adam could also accidentally discharge his light manipulations and create a lightbolt that could act the same way as her hexbolts, so Adam has been discharged from this little mission, too. So it’s three against four. Six if you count Barry and Neil. This is one war I’m determined to win. Now if only we could get to that machine, everything would work out. But we need to find where they’re building it, first. I need to go visit my Toddles for a little “strategy session.”

Friday:

What is it with people laughing at me over the phone? I called Cam to warn him what was going to happen to him and he laughed at me. I know I sound a tad nutty telling people about this, but that doesn’t make it any less true! Why can’t they at least consider that I may be telling the truth? I’d call Storm and warn her but I don’t want my father to die a horrible, painful death. And that would happen if Storm finds out. I heard the insane posse talking about the machine being finished and tomorrow being the day to set it off. We need to work fast to stop it. We just need to find out where it’s going to happen. We can get there first and shut the thing down. The only good thing that’s coming out of this is that Dad and the Triplets are bonding. But as good as that is, it’s also that scary. Who knows what they’ll come up with next? We went to Psyche Out. He refuses to go near this little problem. It’s now official. My family is beyond psychiatric help. Heaven help the world.

Saturday:

My father finally got himself a girlfriend! So, yeah, I’d say that today was eventful. The torture on Cam didn’t go as planned (I love my invisible friend! Xi removed the explosives.) Storm injured my father, of course. And I fully encouraged it. Cam dumped Storm because of her insane associates. We were banned from the X-Mansion for a week (I give it two days before we’re back over there anyway.) Lifeline threw a party upon the return of his music collection. It turns out that Bree gave the CDs to the girls (she says she wanted a break from having to listen to them.) And my Dad has met someone else. You see, I sent him to a bar to drown his sorrows. I hate it when he gets drunk, but I couldn’t think of anything else to make him feel better (and he was driving me nuts with his whining.) So I had the other adults take him out for a few drinks at the nearest bar that was open (not many are at one in the afternoon.) According to the story that we were told, while at the bar they saw this lady. Cover Girl kept mamblng on something about Krystal Carey from All My Children. I know that name should strike a cord (after all, she, Carly, and Adam make us watch it every weekday or for five hours on Sunday, depending on which would work better with our schedules.) Anyway, the point is this Krystal person is kind of from the wrong side of the tracks and is a bit trashy with a phony southern accent (not entirely unlike Rogue, come to think of it.) So this lady reminds Cover Girl of this Krystal chick. But I’m not going to complain. As long as my dad doesn’t get zapped for a while and there’s a lady that will give him the time of day, I’ll be ecstatic! Maybe this woman will be good for him. Yeah, I know, keep dreaming Althea! Oh no…I just remembered what Dad was like last time he had a girlfriend. I walked in on them doing the horizontal mambo in the living room in the middle of the day. Then he sent me bra shopping with her. And they say that history repeats itself…oh I’m in trouble!

Lightbolts are used by the character Lexa Pierce in the syndicated television show, Mutant X. I love all the special effects on that show...they all look so neat! 01, 02, 03

A Week From the Journal of Scarlet Witch

2006-08-10T15:00:19Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Scarlet Witch
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: Scarlet Witch talks to her journal about her sanity.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Scarlet Witch

Sunday:

Who would have ever thought that, back when I was in the mental institution, that I would eventually become the sanest person there is in the house in which I live? Who would have thought that? I, for one, wouldn’t have. Oh, I knew I wasn’t insane, but I didn’t know just how sane I actually was. I never really knew until I joined the Misfits. They’re all insane! I’d go through the whole checklist and list off why they’re insane, but I think that they are, in fact, pretty self-explanatory. The only thing that really bugs me, though, is that while I was locked up in the insane asylum, these nuts were all out walking around free! That is one harsh slap in the face. Thank you very much, Father! You locked up your one sane kid and let the others all roam around and disturb the whole planet! Maybe you should get your head checked! I really hate that man…I hate him, I hate him, I HATE HIM! Dislike the rest of my family, too, while I’m at it. They’re all just space cases. If anyone dares to make a “pot calling the kettle black” comment, I’ll be forced to hex like I’ve never hexed before!

Monday:

I really need to add Psyche Out to my “Must Hex” list. Why does he keep insisting on these family therapy deals? Doesn’t he get it yet? We don’t get along! Fire and ice! Oil and water! Prison inmate and, well, his cellmate Bubba! We just don’t get along! Sometimes I think he does these therapy sessions just so he can remodel his office! Actually, yeah, that has to be why he does it! Otherwise why aren’t the sessions held in an open field where nothing can get damaged? I should go talk to General Hawk about this; maybe he’ll see my point. But let me do a rundown of today’s session. Pietro: Even Heartbroken Lance isn’t as annoying as Pietro is now that he realizes that he doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning Jaye. The guy needs Prozac and he needs it now! Kurt: He’s obnoxious and can’t stop laughing at Pietro’s misfortune. But then again, neither can I so I guess we’re even. Rogue: She’s just still incredibly upset at Adam for making the moves on Remy, despite the fact that it was two weeks ago. As if Remy’s such a prize. I’m sure that even ROGUE could do better than him. But then again, most all of what she can get is the bottom of the barrel so maybe she can’t do better. And me…I’m the lone sane person in a group of nuts!

Tuesday:

I think that Althea is expanding her vocabulary. Either that or she’s making up words now. After losing the babies again, our wonderful leader proceeded to ream out her father for two hours. How does that girl learn so many dirty words? She doesn’t meet that many new people. Maybe the Internet is a bad thing. After yesterday’s therapy session, Pietro refuses to leave his room. He stays in his bed listening to sad music (right now he’s blaring “All By Myself” at nearly top volume. How many versions of this stupid song have been done? We’ve already been forced to listen to Eric Carmen, Celine Dion, and Jamie O’Neal…who else is left?) and is starting to make me want to extract my eardrums just so I won’t have to listen to him anymore. And Lance has joined him! The Multiple News Network has reported—via Trinity—that Peter is taking Kitty to a romantic dinner and a concert. Lance is crushed. Now all we need is for Althea and Todd to get into a fight and both join the mopers. And, if that happens, I’ll have to shoot myself. It’s times like this when I actually consider joining the X-Geeks. Anything to get away from these sad, depressing people. Okay! That’s it! Cover Girl and Low Light have just joined the Legion of the Brokenhearted! They had a fight…I’m going to go stay with Carly and Beach Head. At least there I won’t have to listen to all this whining.

Wednesday:

Note to self: Talk to Xavier about joining the X-Men. How could I have thought staying with Beach Head and Carly was preferable to Misfit Manor? Do you want to know what those two psychos did last night? They acted out the entire script of The Sound of Music. You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen Beach Head in a sailor suit complete with short shorts. It’s frightening! What’s even more frightening is the realization that Beach Head sounds like a girl when he sings! They kept me up all night! And I heard them talking. Tonight they’re acting out Cats! And the day after that? The Princess Bride. You know that line from The Sixth Sense: “I see dead people”? For me it’s: “I see insane people!” Do I have a sign over my head saying: “Insane People Welcome Here”? Why am I such a magnet for the lunatics? I really hate my father. No, not just him. I hate Mystique, too. She’s the jerk who got me out of that insane asylum! At least I was surrounded by sane people there.

Thursday:

Last night I did something I said I wasn’t going to do. I went back over to Beach Head and Carly’s. And I’m going again tonight, after I’m done writing here. You see, I had an idea. I know how to cheer up all the depressing people here. Embarrassing pictures of Beach Head. And there’s nothing more embarrassing than that man wearing leotards, tails, and cat ears. I’m not sure how he’s going to be dressed tonight, but I’m sure I’ll find something embarrassing to take a picture of. And tomorrow is most embarrassing yet. They’re acting out The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. That will make everyone cheer up. I may not get any sleep for a few days, but at least after that peace will be returned to Misfit Manor. Little price to pay for that. I just hope that they don’t make me join in. That would just kill me.

Friday:

Last night was better than I had expected. There were a few interesting and embarrassing Beach Head moments. Especially since he was forced to play Princess Buttercup! Carly refused to play her. The Princess apparently doesn’t have any good lines. I don’t know, but Beach Head wearing a dress is rather amusing. But I still can’t believe that I’m the sanest person on this base. That just kills me. Tonight will be my last night of duty over at the Masterpiece Theater home. I hope ten rolls of film are enough for the production. I want to get every moment of Beach Head embarrassing himself. Maybe I should bring Adam with me. He loves that movie, I’m sure he’d love to get in on the action. One thing I know for certain is that by this time tomorrow, Misfit Manor will finally be back to normal. And everyone says I don’t care about my teammates. This’ll show them that I do.

Saturday:

My plan worked. Everyone is happy again. Or, well, maybe not entirely happy, but they’re now mostly out of their funks. I told you that Beach Head in Tights and Beach Head in Drag would do the trick. I even put those pictures to good use and created a video slideshow out of them set to music. It turned out rather nice, if I do say so myself. I’m selling copies for ten dollars a tape. So far I’ve made $2,000. I’m quite the genius. Unfortunately I think the depressing people will be back. At least Depressed Pietro will be. Psyche Out had to bump up this week’s family therapy session. Why oh why couldn’t I have been an only child? What did I do wrong in my past life to be the lone person in my life undeserving of a straightjacket?

A Week From the Journal of Quicksilver

2006-08-10T14:56:06Z

Story Title: A Week From the Journal of Quicksilver
Fandom: Misfits (X-Men: Evolution, G.I. Joe, & Wonderfalls)
Rating: PG
Summary: What does Quicksilver write in his journal? Other than how perfect he is, I mean.
Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution and G.I. Joe belong to Marvel. The Joes may also belong to Hasbro, but I'm not sure. The idea of bringing these two universes together belongs to the wonderful Red Witch. Wonderfalls belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox.
Author's Note: Who can resist the Misfits?

A Week From the Journal of Quicksilver

Sunday:

These past couple of weeks have sucked. Sucked with a capital S. I’ve finally found a woman worth my time and what does she do? She ignores me! Me! I’m the most perfect specimen of masculinity and she ignores me! Me! How can she ignore me! I mean, I’m perfect! I’ve tried flowers, gifts, chocolates and she still ignores me. What haven’t I tried yet? I think I may have to be more creative. I still can’t believe she had General Hawk write out a restraining order against me. I just want to worship her like the near-perfect being she is. So Jaye is a little screwy with the animals talking to her and everything, but I’m kind of screwy in the way that I’m the most perfect being to have ever lived so I’d say we’re even. What oh what can I do to get her to look my way? I think it’s time to enlist help in my romantic endeavor. But whom can I go to? Lance…obviously he won’t do. He has the poor taste to be in love with KITTY. Todd…maybe. Adam…scary thought, but maybe. Shipwreck? I’d go to Lance before him. After all, Lance doesn’t get zapped by lightning on a regular basis. Maybe the girls are a better option. Althea…not her, she likes the Toad. Wanda…never had a boyfriend. Oh my, I think I’m going to have to go to the X-Geeks for this. At least they understand Romance. I’m sure it won’t be as painful as I’m imagining it’s going to be. I hope it won’t anyway.

Monday:

I’ve been to the X-Geeks and they have agreed to help me. So have Xi and Adam, both of whom can use their invisibility to deliver my gifts. Not that I couldn’t use my super speed, but that could just end up driving my lovely Jaye that much further from me. No, I need messengers for this endeavor. The Geeks, no, I was asked to call them my Love Advisors—little price to pay to get my Lovely in my life—gave me a few ideas. More flowers, jewelry, play into her interests. They suggested that I call her friends back in Niagara. Xi and Adam are getting me the names and numbers now. It pays to have invisible friends. I hope that they’ll be willing to help me. What I wouldn’t give to have Jaye’s love. Why, I’d even give up my perfection. Wait, no I wouldn’t. Perfect is what I am! Why should I have to give up perfection? But I would give up most anything else.

Tuesday:

I called Jaye’s friend Mahandra today. After she finally stopped laughing, she told me she’d help me. Apparently Jaye likes beer. Beer and all other forms of liquor. Except the foofy drinks. She doesn’t like the foofy cocktails. Mostly beer. So that gave me an idea. First, I need to get a fake I.D. Then I need to make a trip to a liquor store and get a wide selection of exotic, imported beer. After I get the beer, each bottle will be adorned with a bright bow and a lovely picture of my perfect self. Pretty good idea, huh? If Jaye’s interest is beer, that’s what she’ll get. That will make her love me, I’m sure! I told Adam and Xi my plan. My genius is wasted on them. They spent two hours laughing. Two full hours! The good thing is that they got such bad cramps from the laughing that they had to go see Lifeline for painkillers and muscle relaxers. It serves them dingledorks right. They don’t get romance. Not at all.

Wednesday:

Well, Operation Lady Love didn’t really work out too well for me today. I got the fake I.D. and then got arrested for having it. I was yelled at for three hours for buying it and getting caught in a liquor store. But there was no punishment since Shipwreck had never heard of the store before and liked the wide selection of alcohol and the fair prices. Go me! I think that cops should start carrying around fur-lined cuffs. They’re gentler than those torture devices they have now. I have matching bruises on my wrists. I’m going to sue them for police brutality. How dare they bruise me!? Tomorrow I’m going to try my plan again. I still have the I.D. and I’m sure I can find a store that would sell to me. I will stop at nothing to win my Lady’s heart! Even if it is causing even LANCE to laugh at me. At least my Lady Love isn’t two-timing me!

Thursday:

Success! I have more beer than Jaye will ever know what to do with! I’ll begin work on the lovely bows and, well, lovely portraits of me as soon as I’m done with this entry. I have to wait until the others are all asleep before I can pull out my stash. They wouldn’t understand. Adam and Xi have agreed to get up early to deliver my special gift basket to her trailer. That way the first thing she’ll see when she wakes up will be my beautiful present. She’ll instantly fall in love with me. This will be the best week of my life. I can see us now. She’ll come to me, arms open and we’ll have a beautiful, loving two-year dating period. Then I’ll propose and get married a year later. We’ll have four wonderful children, two boys and two girls. They’ll grow up and go to the best schools and will be spoiled silly. Of course they’ll be perfect little beings. After all, they’ll come from my blood. Of course they’ll be perfect. They’ll grow up and be influential people and make the world a better place for all people—mutants and humans alike. Plus, they’ll foot the bill for our old age and pamper us as the perfect people we are! What a beautiful, amazing dream.

Friday:

Betrayal! I have been betrayed! Me! Perfect me! How could someone betray someone as loveable as me? This morning I went to see how my gift basket was received and do you know what I saw? I saw Jaye sitting on the steps to her trailer drinking her imported beer. But she wasn’t alone! Nosireebob, she was not! She was drinking the beer that I got her with another man! How dare she betray me this way! And with Beach Head no less! How could she prefer that classless buffoon to me? I’m perfect! I’m perfect and absolutely heartbroken. Now I know how it feels to be Lance. Only better looking. Oh, I’m so depressed. A situation like this calls for lots of country music. Country music and Patsy Cline.

Saturday:

After being rudely forced out of bed this morning and forced to go through our normal daily routine, I had to suffer through more indignities. Why couldn’t I be allowed to mope in peace and quiet? Or, more appropriately, alone and with sad country ditties? The X-Geeks laughed at me, the Misfits laughed at me, everyone had a big hearty laugh at my expense! I would take revenge upon Beach Head, and may still yet, but that will have to wait. Carly scares me. I’ve seen how she reacts when people threaten her Daddy. Worse yet, I’ve been allowed back into Jaye’s class. Now I’ll have to go through the pain of seeing her every day! At least when Lance is dumped he doesn’t have to see that Valley Girl reject every day. What hurts the most out of this is that I’ll never get that life I dreamed of. Me and Jaye and our beautiful four children: Pietro, Pietra, Pietri, and Pietru. I’ll never see you, my beautiful children! Oh the inhumanity of it all!